If Fate's Cruel, What Are They?
by Katie-1369
Summary: “Fate’s cruel.” Sirius whispered. I looked into his eyes. “If fate’s cruel, what do you call them?” Sirius and Remus have been made outcast for their relationship. Can the repair their damaged friendship? Can they make it through it all?
1. Prologue

**This is the prologue for my newest story. If you're interested in the rest, review and I'll continue.  
**

I was sitting at the table in the corner, out of the way, in the common room reading my favorite book when Sirius came and sat down across from me. I didn't have to look up to know who it was. I could tell it was him. Almost like a sixth sense. Or it helps to have heightened senses of smell.

"Hey Sirius," I said, not even glancing up from the text on the page in front of my nose.

"Whatcha doing Moony?" Sirius asked with a faked interest.

"Well, I was reading, but I guess that's over now, isn't it?" I replied with a sigh, closing my book.

Sirius smirked at me. "I have a better idea."

The way he said that sent a shiver down my spin.

Before we could act on what I thought he was thinking about, James burst into the common room, a nervous Peter in tow. The people in the common room were so used to James' antics, they weren't even fazed.

James headed straight to our table. For some reason I couldn't decide he looked angry. He stood a few feet away from me, and looked from me to Sirius and back.

"Tell me it's not true." He said through his teeth.

I frowned. "What isn't true?"

He glared at me and Sirius again, before finally saying, in a dangerous whisper. "Snivelus is spreading some really nasty rumors about the two of you."

Sirius and I shared a shocked, disbelieving look. I didn't want them to know until we were ready. I started fidgeting in my chair, and Sirius looked terrified.

James narrowed his eyes. It was enough of an answer for him. "So it is true. You guys are shirt-lifters."

I was nervous, but suddenly I was defiant. "Yes, I am."

Sirius looked at me before he nervously said. "Yeah."

The news spread like wildfire, and soon enough, they were alone. The only people who didn't feel disgusted by them were a few of the teachers, Lily, and some of her friends. A few select people didn't disagree with it, but they didn't stand up for them for fear of becoming outcast as well. Lily managed to convince a few of her better friends that Sirius and Remus were good people and deserved better than that. It cost them a lot. They were avoided almost as much as Remus and Sirius were. Could they fix the damage that'd been made?

**So as I said before, please review and tell me what you think. Critisms is always welcome.**


	2. My Light

**Here's the first chapter. I hope you all like it!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own. **

**Warning: Slash (m/m) Swearing More stuff to come up.  
**

In the days that followed our confrontation in the common room, I often wondered why a tiny, one-syllable word could knock my world off its axis and send it spiraling downward into a dark tunnel. A tunnel so long, so dark, so terrifying that it would cause my own emotions to spiral down with them.

But wait, all tunnels have a light at the end right? I knew that was supposedly the rule. What was the light at the end of my tunnel?

I was so engrossed in finding my light; I didn't notice Lily tapping me on the shoulder.

"Come on Sirius, Remus wanted us to meet him in the library so we could work on our potions essay together," Lily said gently. She knew I hated going anywhere outside the common room unless I had to. The stares, glares, and the whispers made me want to walk around in James' invisibility cloak all day.

I stood up. I only did things now a days because Remus asked me to.

In the corridors I walked as close to Lily as possible. Our arms brushed, and I hid my face behind my hair, and only looked at my shoes. I didn't want to make eye contact with anyone. Lily understood, and didn't move away. I was glad for her comfort and support.

I could still hear the whispers, but it wasn't as bad when I couldn't see the hate and disgust in the eyes of the people I used to like.

We meet up with Remus in the library. I gave him a weak but genuine smile. He smiled back, and moved the chair next to his with his foot. I sat down, unrolling my parchment, and pulling out my quill and ink well. Lily gathered her own things together and set them on the table.

They worked for a few hours on their essays before leaving to go to dinner. They sat separate from everyone else. No one would come near them anymore. I ate the food in silence. It hurt me to look down the table and see that between bites people were glaring down the table at us. Remus and Lily soon noticed my distress. I wasn't used to this yet. Not yet. They ate quickly after that, and we left the Great Hall before most people had finished the main course.

When we got to the common room, we said good night to Lily, and trumped up the stairs. We had decided that we should go to bed before they got back from dinner. That way they couldn't tell us to leave.

I was exhausted though, and like usual Remus drew his hangings and began to read, but I feel asleep.

_We were hiding in a broom closet, and Moony had his ear pressed against the door. James had both the cloak and the map, while we had run off in a different direction with nothing. Peter, the lucky devil, had turned into a rat and ran. The prank had gone smoothly until Peter had sneezed so loud that Peeves had floated in and screamed for Filch. _

_It didn't matter though. We had everything set up, and breakfast tomorrow was going to be insane. I started laughing just at the thought of it. In the dark I could see Moony's outline as he waved his hand at me. _

"_Shhh!" He scolded, but I could tell he was smiling._

_I held in my laughter, and finally after a few moments, Remus waved me the all clear. He stepped away from the door, and as I moved forward towards it, my foot caught on a broom. I fell forward, and reached blindly in the dark for something to support me. _

_I landed with most of my weight on something soft. It took me a moment to realize that what I was using to support myself was Remus. I had my arms locked around his neck. I couldn't really make out the expression on his face. _

"_Sorry." I whispered. I straightened up. I was about to unwind my arms, but he wrapped his arms around my waist, and pulled me with a force so unlike him I was frozen in shock. _

"_Don't be because I'm not." He replied softly. The confidence in his voice mingled with something I couldn't comprehend at that moment. I didn't have time to do anything, because he was moving closer. And closer. His lip pressed down on mine. My brain exploded into chaos, but my body reacted without instruction. My hands wound into his hair, and soon I had him pinned to the door. Suddenly the door was flung open, and we tumbled out. James looked incredulously at us and Remus scrambled to his feet. _

_Suddenly, Remus began laughing: A high-pitched, cold, mocking laugh that wasn't like him at all. _

_James joined in after that. "I told you. I told you he was a queer."_

_Remus looked at James, high fived him, and then told him. "You owe me big for helping you prove this. I can't believe I touched it." Remus and James sent a very dark look at me. _

"_Moony…" I moaned from the floor. "Please. I… I love you. Don't leave me. Please don't." I could feel the tears stinging my eyes. _

_Remus gave me a look of pure loathing and disgust. Much like the look James and I give Snape._

"Sirius…. Sirius!" Remus jabbed me slightly harder than necessary and I woke up with a jolt. I could feel the tears on my face. Remus was sitting on the edge of my bed. It was dark, and I could hear James and Peter snoring.

Remus pulled out his wand. "Lumos," The sudden light made us both blink.

"Are you ok?" Remus asked, with obvious concern.

I sat up, and hugged him tightly, breathing in the scent of his hair. "Don't leave me! Please don't go."

"I'm not going anywhere." Remus told me, sounding startled. "What ever would give you that idea?"

I just shook my head, face buried in his neck. He pulled away to look at me. "I'm not leaving you." He said firmly. The light from his wand flashed behind his eyes, and it looked like he had a light all his own. My light.

He budged me over as I made the connection. He settled down into the blankets of my bed, and as he drifted to sleep, my mind returned again to the tunnel.

Sure the tunnel was long and dark, but my light was waiting at the end of the tunnel to catch me when I made it to the bottom. So no matter how dark or long the tunnel may be, but I was now positive it was worth the fall.

**So, I know it was kind of cheesy and stuff. Just tell me what you think in a review. Critism is as always welcome.**


	3. Gashes and Punches

**So here is chapter three. Disclaimer and warning same as always.**

I woke up the next morning with something warm and soft pressed into me. I blinked around slightly dazed. The bright light flooding into the curtains made me disoriented. I could tell by the direction the sunlight was coming through that I was not in my bed. I looked over at what was causing my arm to be smashed into the mattress.

Sirius.

Last night came back in a rush. Sirius had had a nightmare. I came over to talk to him, and he begged me not to leave him. I looked at his sleeping face. He looked so calm and peaceful in his sleep. Not disturbed by the day to day life that caused us to want to shrink back and hide.

I sighed, closing my eyes. I was glad that it was Sunday. I didn't want to get up and go to class. I wanted to stay here forever. I listened intently and could tell that no one was in the dorm, and could faintly hear the sound of talking down in the common room.

I yawned and turned over to watch Sirius sleep. I poked him on the check. "Sirius." I whispered. He grunted, and buried his face into my chest. I laughed, and poked him in the side. "Sirius!" I said a little louder this time. "It's time for breakfast." He grumbled, then sat up. He blinked at me.

"Breakfast? What time is it?" He asked.

I shrugged. "No clue, let's get going."

We got dressed, and I hopped down the stairs ahead of Sirius. We walked together to the Great Hall. There weren't many students in the hallways. I suspected they were all eating.

Sitting at the table in their secluded corner with Lily, they ate quickly. It was a nice day outside, and they wanted to spend some time down by the lake.

The sudden swooshing of wings made me look up. A large eagle owl was swooping down towards us. I nudged Sirius in the arm and nodded towards it. I could see the red envelope it clutched in its beak.

It dropped the envelope into Sirius' lap, and flew off again out the window. Sirius stared at the red letter, looking terrified.

"Open Sirius, It'll go off either way." Lily said, looking wary.

With trembling hands Sirius picked up the letter, and broke the wax seal with the crest of the Black family.

Sirius' mother's voice rang out through the Great Hall. The hall went silent, as all the students turned toward them.

"SIRIUS ORION BLACK HOW DARE YOU EVEN ASSOCIATE WITH THAT DIRTY HALF-BLOOD!"

Sirius had gone pale, and he was now sinking down lower in his seat.

"-BANE OF MY LIFE!! I DON'T EVEN WANT TO KNOW WHAT YOU WERE THINKING! A QUEER, IN THE MOST ANCIENT AND NOBLE HOUSE OF BLACK! YOU BLOOD TRAITOR! HOW DARE YOU EMBARRASS THIS FAMILY LIKE THAT!"

I stared at the envelope in shock. How could anyone be this horrible to their son?

"-DISOWN YOU. YOU BETTER START ACTING MORE LIKE THE BLACK YOU ARE! WHEN YOU COME HOME YOU'RE GOING TO BE IN SO MUCH TROUBLE!"

With that, the letter burst into flames. The silence that followed it was almost tangible. Then, the laughter started at the Slytherin table and worked its way across the Great Hall.

Lily slammed her fork down, and glared at the people closest to her. I set my fork down as well, appetite gone. I nudged Sirius in the arm.

"Come on." I said quietly, standing up. Sirius didn't move. "Padfoot? Let's go." He stood up, and we walked out of the Great Hall. I could feel the eyes that followed us as we left.

We walked out onto the grounds, and sat under a big oak tree next to the lake.

I sat leaning against the tree while Lily sprawled out on her stomach. Sirius sat leaning against me.

"I'm sorry Sirius." Lily said quietly.

"Not your fault." Sirius replied, digging in his bag for his homework.

We spent the rest of the day on the grounds. When lunch time came we went and ate in the kitchens, not wanting to put Sirius through going into the Great Hall.

When it started to get dark, we picked up all our things and headed up towards the castle.

Sirius' little brother Regulus jumped in front of us.

"Nice howler this morning Sirius." Regulus said with a sneer. "I wrote to mom and told her about you."

Sirius didn't say anything, but scowled at Regulus.

"Come on Sirius. I'm just trying to help you out. Help you get rid of that dirty animal." Regulus said, sending me a disgusted look.

Sirius reached for his want, but Regulus was faster.

I didn't hear what he said, but Sirius fell back with several deep gashed on his face, arms, and chest. I could tell he was knocked out.

The wolf inside me wanted to attack Regulus for hurting my mate, but rationality won over that.

Lily and I leapt forward at the same time. I reached for Sirius and caught him before he hit the ground.

Lily however kept going, and then when she was close enough to Regulus, she punched him with all her might in the jaw. He stumbled back, holding his face.

I watched him run away, before returning my attention to Sirius. I picked him up, and stood. "Let's go. We need to get him to the hospital wing."

Lily was fuming as we walked through the corridors.

"I can't believe them. What kind of horrible people are they?" Lily said furiously. "Really, I think you should show as much PDA as possible. Get them used to it. Then maybe it won't be so bad."

I frowned at her. "Of course it'll still be bad. I think that would just make it worse."

Lily gave me that look, and I knew that I best drop it.

When we got to the hospital wing, Madame Pomfrey fixed him up. Lily left to go get dinner, but I stayed with Sirius. This was all my fault. I had caused a giant rift in the Most Ancient and Noble House Black. I sighed, and dropped my head onto the side of the bed Sirius was occupying.

How could they ever get through this?

**So what do you think? Leave me a review please! =D**


	4. Confusion

**Here's chapter four. Disclaimer and warning same as before. This is still in Remus' point of view. I know, I normally switch every other one, but this one had to be in his.  
**

I stayed with Sirius during most of his stay in the hospital wing, leaving only for food and lessons. Two days after Regulus cursed him, Madame Pomfrey deemed him free to leave.

Whatever curse Regulus had used made it so the cuts could no longer be magically healed. Madame Pomfrey had bandaged them the best she could, but every time Sirius bent a certain way, or moved too suddenly, the cuts would reopen themselves. The worst of it was on his chest, while his face and arms caused slight discomfort compared to the others.

Madame Pomfrey scowled as I helped Sirius stand.

"That boy should be severely for what he did. That was some seriously dark magic he used." She said, for the fourth time.

"We've got it covered Madame Pomfrey." I told her calmly.

She glared at me sternly, before her face softened. I knew that I was her favorite student in the hall. She was like a mother to me, always taking care of me after the full moon. She trusted me.

"You two just take care of yourselves. I hate seeing you two in pain for something as silly as this." She said with a gesture at my arm around Sirius' waist helping support him.

I smiled reassuringly at her, before helping Sirius towards the door.

We struggled through the corridors. I kept steering him off to the side to avoid crowds of people. If they bumped into him hard enough, his cuts would reopen and would start bleeding. The bandages were brushing against some of the worst of them.

While we walked, someone ran, rather violently, into Sirius. The person turned quickly to apologize.

It was James.

The apology died in his throat, and he looked torn between saying it and continuing on his way, but then he took a better look at Sirius.

"Bloody hell, what happened to you?"

"Wouldn't you like to know." Sirius spat, before shuffling away down the hall.

I followed him, but not before I saw the look of confusion and something else. Was that hurt? I couldn't tell, and quite frankly I didn't care. James deserved every ounce of hurt he got after what he did to us.

While standing on the moving stair case, very suddenly, I had a sharp burning pain in my back. I didn't know what it was, but I had to grab onto the banister to keep myself from losing my balance. Sirius glanced over as I was gripping tightly on the stairs.

"Are you ok?" He asked, perplexed as to what would have happened.

I nodded hastily, not wanting to worry him. I braced myself, before standing up straight. "Just lost my balance," I answered finally.

He looked at me skeptically, but didn't say anything else.

It took us around forty-five minutes to finally make it to the fat lady portrait on the seventh floor. Our slow pace was caused by both Sirius and me. Whatever had happened to my back still hurt, if not worse now. Giving her the password, we slipped gratefully into the common room. Sirius sat down thankfully into one of the armchairs by the fire. I took a seat, but sat on the edge, trying not to look too out of place doing it. When I tried to sit all the way on the couch, my back seared in pain as it touched it. I didn't want to draw attention to it though. Sirius already have enough on his plate without worrying about me.

Lily saw us enter from the other side of the common room and quickly gathered all her things off the table and came over to sit next to me.

She leaned around me to look at Sirius, whose armchair was closer to my side of the couch.

"Are you ok?" She asked in concern.

Sirius smiled slightly. "Yeah, I'm fine. I've had worse." Lily looked skeptical, but Sirius quickly distracted her. "I hear you punched Regulus."

Lily smiled despite herself. "Yeah, I might have."

Sirius' grin widened. "Brilliant,"

I let out an involuntary groan of pain as I leaned forward and my shirt brushed whatever it was that was on my back. I couldn't tell exactly what it was, but I knew it took up the whole of my back.

Sirius and Lily both turned to me.

"What's up mate? You're starting to look a little pale." Sirius said, gazing at my face in concern.

Lily nodded in agreement.

"Nothing, really. I'm fine." I lied quickly.

Sirius frowned at me. He knew I was lying. He always did.

Lily just shrugged her shoulders. "If you don't want to tell, fine."

I smiled gratefully at her, but I knew Sirius wouldn't drop it that easily. I bet she knew that too, and she knew Sirius would tell her. I frowned at them both. I didn't want to stay any longer in their analyzing glares.

"I'm going to go to bed now. I'm feeling a bit tired actually." I stood up.

"I'll come too. I'll need your help getting up the stairs anyway." Sirius said, making a show of standing up.

I rolled my eyes, but I knew he might actually need help up the stairs. We left Lily with a quick good night, and climbed up to our dormitory. When we made it up, Sirius rounded on me.

"Now spill. What's up?" He asked.

I didn't say anything, but I walked into the bathroom. He followed close behind. I took off my robes, and in the mirror, I could see that there was blood coming through my white shirt.

Sirius wordlessly lifted the hem of my shirt.

"Bloody Hell." He cursed.

**Omg cliff hanger! O= What's wrong with Remus' back?! If you review, you'll find out soon! **


	5. Moony's Wrath

**Merry Christmas! Or Happy Hanukkah or whatever it is you're celebrating this time of year. So I'm planning this chapter to be pretty long, and I know it should be in Sirius point of view, I mean I was going to make it in Sirius' point of view, but I can't. It won't make sense in his point of view. So yeah sorry about that.**

**Disclaimer and warnings the same.  
**

I watched Sirius' reflection. He let go of the hem of my shirt, and turned away closing his eyes.

"Padfoot? What is it?" I asked, walking over to him. He opened his eyes slowly, and let out a shaky breath. I frowned, pulling off my shirt, and looking over my shoulder at my reflection. The air left my lungs in a rush.

My back was purple like a giant bruise, but that wasn't the worse part. My whole back was covered in five giant words that looked as if they'd be burned on my skin with a giant cattle iron. There were raw red patches, some of it was badly charred and it was leaking some greenish pus. It was swelled in some parts.

I had to read the words backwards in the reflection. 'I am a filthy queer'. I looked at Sirius.

"When did this happen? Who did it to you?" He asked after a few minutes of awkward silence.

"When we were standing on the stairs. That's why I was holding onto the banister that way. I didn't see who did it. There were people standing everywhere. I doubt we'll ever know who did it unless they tell us." I said, hugging myself. Standing here, like this, I felt incredibly vulnerable.

He stayed quiet for a minute, before sighing. "This is all my fault."

I shook my head violently. "No, It's mine."

He looked at me fiercely. "If you had been with anyone else, it wouldn't have been nearly as bad. My 'family' is causing all this. Most of the problems and the rumors and the curses that get thrown our way are caused by my interfering relatives. I bet you anything, that thing on your back was made by someone in my family or one of their close friends."

"You know it would have been the same." I told him angrily. "I don't regret this. I can't regret this. It's the best thing that's ever happened to me. I think it's worth it."

Sirius' face softened. "We haven't made this easy for ourselves, you know that right?"

I smiled. "I know. It could be worse though."

Sirius looked at me skeptically. "Yeah right. Your back looks about as bad as it gets."

"I've had worse." I replied.

He frowned at me.

"It'll be ok. I'm fine. Really." I said, stepping forward, and pulling him into a hug. He held on to me as tight as he could without causing me pain. I kissed him lightly. "We'll get through this, ok?"

He smiled, and I slipped reluctantly out of his arms to go get dressed in my night clothes. I was bent over my trunk, rummaging through for my night clothes when the dormitory door opened, and James and Pete walked in, deep in discussion. I stood up quickly and turned around, but I wasn't fast enough. James and Peter were both looking at me. James looked almost angry, while Peter just looked sick.

Sirius watched apprehensively from by the bathroom door.

James finally managed to say something. "Who did that to you?" He asked, sounding strangled.

I stared at him coldly. "No clue." I replied, pulling on my night shirt, and turning back around to dig around for my bottoms. After I pulled those on, I turned around and James was still staring open mouthed at me. I shook my head, and climbed into my bed, flicking my wand at the curtains. They snapped shut, cutting me off from them. I could hear them moving and talking in hushed voices, but I couldn't care less about what they were saying. I flipped over so I was laying face down, back smarting as I moved.

I listened as everyone got settled for bed, and the candles went out. Slowly the sound of movement and restless shifting was replaced by deep breathing. I suddenly heard a slight swishing noise and then quiet footsteps as they padded across the floor.

Sirius pulled back the curtain enough to give himself room to come in, and then he closed them around himself again. I edged over so he could have enough room, and as soon as he was settled in, I moved closer to him and buried my face in his chest. His hair tickled my face as he bent to kiss the top of my head. I smiled slightly, and slowly drifted to sleep.

When I woke up the next day, I found my back was way worse, and it was starting to look infected. Sirius watched me moodily from his position where he was leaning against the door frame.

"You should go see Madame Pomfrey. I mean it. That looks bad." He said again.

I sighed, pulling on my school clothes. "I will after lessons. I can't afford to miss potions. I'm bad enough without missing a lesson."

Sirius scoffed. "Bad? You could easily skip the whole year and still pass exams."

I smiled despite myself. "After lessons, then you can drag me there. I promise." I said, grabbing my book bag and walking down to the spiral stair case.

He followed behind me closely. Even though his own cuts weren't healed yet, he was determined to stand behind me the whole time to make sure no one snuck up behind me.

The lessons dragged as usual, and were accompanied by the normal whispers, which seemed to have increased in volume ever since we'd started being physically abused along with verbally.

I had barley finished dinner when Sirius yanked me off the bench and pulled me, rather reluctantly, towards the hospital wing. Lily followed closely behind us, not wanting to be left alone at the table.

Madame Pomfrey saw us walk in the door, and sighed loudly. "Not you again," She said in exasperation.

Sirius shook his head. "Not me, him." He said, pointing at me.

She frowned at me. "What now?"

I looked around nervously at the two occupied beds. She sighed loudly, pulling us into a curtained area of the wing. I didn't want the people on the bed to see my scars. Then they might know.

"Now what is this all about Remus?" Madame Pomfrey asked in concern. I didn't answer her, just turned around, and lifted my shirt over my head. She gasped, and forced me to turn around and look at her, which allowed Lily to see it too, and she cursed rather violently, which Madame Pomfrey didn't even tell her off for.

"What happened to you young man, and why didn't you come to see me before now?" She scolded me, taking on her mother tone.

"I honestly don't know what happened and –" Before I could answered the second question, Sirius cut me off.

"I tried to get him to come earlier, but he wouldn't listen to me and insisted upon going to lessons and coming to talk to you after dinner." He interjected with a sharp glare at me.

I shrugged sheepishly. "How bad is it?" I asked tensely.

She scowled, turning me back around so I was facing Lily and Sirius again. "It looks bad, but I'm not entirely sure. If it's like Sirius' was, then we may have a problem. Either way, this is going to leave a very bad scare." She said darkly.

Lily looked at me angrily as Madame Pomfrey bustled away to get what she needed. "Why didn't you tell us last night?"

"Well, I didn't want to bother yo-"

"Of course it wouldn't have bothered us! I can't believe you didn't come and see her the moment it happened." Lily screeched.

"I'm sorry!" I replied, trying to calm her down. She just crossed her arms and glared at me. I sighed. "I couldn't turn around while we were on the stairs and go the way we'd just come from. Besides Sirius was in pain and I wanted to get him back to the common room before his cuts reopened."

Lily looked at me for a moment. "And how much pain where you in Remus?"

I looked down at my feet, not answering.

"Exactly, you're too self-sacrificing." Lily said, more gently this time.

Sirius, moved forward and lifted my chin so I had to look at him. "Besides, if I had known you were in that much pain, I would have turned around with you. There was no stopping the stuff that had already happened to me, but we could have got you patched up before it got as bad as it is."

I kissed him lightly. "I know you would have."

Madame Pomfrey came back, arms full of potions and other things she was planning on using. "Remus, you have to stay her for the night. I don't know how bad it'll be in the morning, and I don't want to risk you not coming back." She said sternly.

After she got me all fixed up, and I climbed into one of the beds, I waved good bye to Lily and Sirius as they left the room. I hated staying in the hospital wing. It reminded me of everything that happened during the full moon. All the pain.

_Moony howled loudly at the full moon that was shinning through the window of the shrieking shack. He was unhappy. He knew his pack was gone. They weren't coming. The human had messed up everything for him. _

_He howled angrily again, before tearing at himself. Trying to get to the human who was hiding inside. _

_He suddenly heard the floorboard creaking, and he turned sharply, jumping, at the sound. He grabbed the animal that was sneaking up on him by the neck and shook it violently. He let go when he finally felt it go limp. Stepping back in satisfaction, he looked at whatever had tried to attack him._

_I was screaming inside my own head, but I couldn't do anything. Moony had control of us. I couldn't stop him, and as we saw through our conjoined eyes the limp body of a bear like dog, I couldn't do anything. I screamed and screamed for Sirius to stand. But he didn't move, and I began sobbing._

_The wolf realized what he had done. He crouched down and crawled toward the limp body and nudged it with his muzzle. His life-mate didn't respond. He whined softly at him, but still no response. He looked up and howled mournfully at the ceiling._

I woke up with a sudden jolt. I was breathing fast, and sweat covered my body. I hunkered down under the covers, hiding. It had just been a dream, but it could easily become a reality. If Sirius tried to come by himself during the full moon, without Prongs there to help, Padfoot would be ripped to shreds. Moony wouldn't like the fact that he had lost his pack. He was dependent on them.

I would have to tell Sirius that he couldn't come. No matter what. Moony wouldn't be happy, but Sirius would be ok. Moony would rip me to shreds. I shuddered, but knew what had to be done. I would have to tell him not to come. I had to. I looked out the window, seeing how in two weeks, I would be turning into a salivating animal.

I avoided Lily and Sirius after this realization. The stress and the worry was wearing me down. I could tell Sirius was starting to get worried and upset as well. I don't know if it was for the same reason though.

I was sitting in the library when Lily cornered me.

"What's been up with you lately? You hardly talk to us, you disappear for hours at a time. I'm starting to think you're avoiding us, but you wouldn't do that because Sirius needs you." She said with sarcasm.

"I'm sorry. I just have a lot on my mind right now." I told her.

"You know where here for you right? We would listen to whatever is troubling you. You don't have to hold it all in. Sirius is starting to think you're mad at him. He thinks he did something to upset you." Lily told me urgently. "He's really upset Remus."

I looked down at the table guiltily. "He didn't do anything. I'm not mad at him. Or you." I added.

"I know you're not, but you've turned a cold shoulder to us, and I can't understand why." Lily said. "You should go talk to Sirius. Apologize."

I nodded, knowing that I should do that as soon as possible. "Thanks Lily." I told her, standing up and gather all of my things before I ran off to find Sirius.

I walked through the corridors quickly, not paying attention to anyone else. I rounded another corner, and I saw Sirius walking, head bent. He looked awful. I can't believe I hadn't noticed it before now. How could I have been so self absorbed? He had bags under his eyes, and his hair was lank and lacking its normal flow. I was so mad at myself for having let this happen. For causing it.

I ran forward, ignoring the weird looks I got as I did so. When I made it to Sirius' side, I slipped my hand into his. He looked up quickly. I smiled at him. He smiled back tentatively, and suddenly, it didn't matter that we were holding hands where everyone could see. Lily was right. We shouldn't care what every one else thought. They didn't matter.

When we got back to the common room, we sat cuddling together on the couch, and I explained to him why I was so tense and upset.

"I don't know what's going to happen this moon, but I know you can't come. Not by yourself." I finished quietly, looking to make sure no one had heard us.

"Moony will rip you to pieces if you're there alone again. You could _die_." Sirius said incredulously.

"It's a chance I'll risk. I won't have you up there and put you in danger for me." I told him firmly. "Promise me you will not come there alone. I mean it Sirius."

A strange light came into his eyes. "I promise I won't come alone."

**So there is the extra long chapter that I told some of you I'd be writing! I hope to be updating soon. Review and tell me what you think! =D**


	6. Makeing up

**Here's the next chapter. Disclaimer same as always. Warning same too.**

I sat staring in the fire in the common room. Moony sat buried in my side reading a book. Tomorrow night, I could lose him, which is what made me so reluctant to do what I had to do. It also didn't help that I didn't want to let go of my pride and go crawling back to ask them for help. I sighed, and decided I best get on with it. I had to do this. For Moony.

"Hey Moony, I'm going to go get something from the kitchens. Want anything?" I asked. The lie slide from my mouth easily. I didn't want to tell him what I was really doing. No need to get his hopes up.

He glanced up from his book. "No thanks Pads. Just… hurry back, ok?"

I nodded. I was already planning on hurrying. I didn't want to spend any time away from him, but I had to do this. I kissed him quickly before standing up.

"_Accio Map!"_ I called, pointing my wand towards the dorm room. Remus sent me a questioning look. It wasn't even close to curfew yet, why would I need the map? I smiled at him.

"Wouldn't want someone to find the kitchens, would we?" I asked pleasantly. He rolled his eyes, and looked back at his book as the map zoomed down the stairs into my waiting hand.

Once outside the portrait hole, I tapped the map with my wand. "I solemnly swear that I am up to no good." I whispered quietly. The map of Hogwarts spread out before my eyes. I scanned it quickly, finding who I was looking for almost at once. They were by the lake.

I set off on my way, looking at the map compulsively as I went. When I made it onto the ground, I tapped the map again. "Mischief managed." I said, putting it into my pocket.

I walked silently towards James and Peter, who seemed deep in discussion about something. When I got close enough, I drew in a deep breath, gathered my courage, stepped into their line of sight, and sat down in front of them.

James watched me wearily, while Peter looked back and forth between the two of us.

"James, I need to talk to you about something important. You don't have to stay anything, just listen."

James stayed silent, but he sat up a little straighter. I took this as a good sign. At least he would listen to me.

"You know what's coming up tomorrow night, right?" I asked slowly.

He nodded slightly.

"Well, I'm scared, James. Scared senseless honestly. Moony's pissed at Rem. In Moony's mind, it's Remus' fault he lost his pack. Moony's going to be relentless this moon. He needs us there. All of us. He made me promise I wouldn't come alone. He's afraid Moony will kill me."

James looked suddenly upset, but he hid it quickly.

"And?" He sneered half-heartedly.

I filed with rage. "You listen, and you listen good Potter. Remus still cares for you like a brother. You're pack to him. He'd still help you if you asked him to. I don't understand what the big deal is. If you look into it seriously, nothing has changed. We've been together for almost a year now. You found out a few weeks ago. The difference now is only that you know the truth. I _love _him James. What makes you better than Snape if you don't accept us? Remus is almost positive he's going to die, James, _die_. It'll be all _your_ fault James. Yours. He doesn't want to ask you for help because he knows that you won't come. He doesn't want to get his hopes up. He doesn't want to ask you to do something you don't want to do. I know we should have told you sooner, but what we've done doesn't even compare to the things you've done to us. We wouldn't have deserted you because of something as silly as sexual preference. We're already being shunned by the entire school, but that's not as bad as when you're _best friends_ turn their backs on you too. You know he could die tomorrow. Just think about the part you're playing in it if he does. You're as good as killing him yourself."

James looked guiltily at me. I pressed on.

"If you cost me the best thing that has ever happened to me, I promise to make your life a living hell James. What's been happening to us recently won't even compare to what I'll do to you. When I get through with you, Azkaban will look like a paradise." With that, I stood up, cloak swishing behind me in a flurry of angry movement.

I marched angrily back to the common room. I took a minute to get handle on my emotions before giving the password to the Fat Lady.

Remus looked up from his spot on the couch. Lily glanced up from her star chart, but looked back down. Remus smiled at me, and I smiled back, walking over and settling down next to him.

"How was the kitchens?" He asked, looking at his book.

"Same old, same old." I replied. He leaned against me, reading his book, and I contemplated what to do now. My only option had failed me. I had hoped, but I guess I shouldn't have put my only hope on the shoulders of James Potter.

We went to bed early that night, not bothering to sneak over after everyone else was asleep. Remus fell asleep almost instantly due to the fast approaching moon. I sat up for most of the night, unable to go to sleep.

The next day we had to go to lessons. I was fidgety all day. I wanted to pause time. I didn't want today to finish. I couldn't do this. It was one of those days that I felt if anyone said something to me, I'd either start sobbing or hex them, and when dinner came, I was out of my mind with grief.

When it came time for Remus to venture down to the hospital wing so Madame Pomfrey could escort him out to the shrieking shack, Lily and I walked down with him.

I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes. I figured we must have been a strange sight. Lily and I had our arms around Remus. Lily was crying, Remus was on the verge of tears, and I was holding in my own as best as I could. I figured as soon as Remus was gone, I'd be reduced to sobs.

We made it to the hospital wing, and Remus shakily stepped out of our arms. Lily hastily wiped her eyes, but it really didn't make much of a difference.

Remus turned and smiled at us, before walking towards the door. Suddenly, that didn't make it any better. I had to get a better good bye than that. I jumped forward, grabbed his hand, spun him around, and crashed our lips together. The kiss was full of desperation and emotion. Remus' cheeks were wet, and tears had finally managed to squeeze themselves from my eyes.

When he pulled away I let him go, with an expanding sense of dread that was consuming my whole body and soul.

He gave me a watery smile, and walked into Madame Pomfrey's office. Lily and I left slowly. I couldn't hold it in anymore, and sobs racked my body as we walked. Lily burst into tears again, and we hastily made our way to the common room. I watched the moon rise out the window, and couldn't stop the ache building in my chest as I imagined Remus, alone, in the shack, dying.

I decided I couldn't let that happen. Promise or no promise, I was going to go there, and be with him. I sprang from my seat, and ran out the portrait hole, knocking over some unsuspecting second years as they climbed in. I was almost to the entrance hall when Regulus, Lucius, and Bellatrix stepped into my path.

"Move it! I don't have time for this." I told them harshly, trying to move around them.

Regulus smiled maliciously. Lucius laughed.

"Like what I did to your filthy friends back?" Lucius asked cruelly.

I didn't say anything. Regulus and Lucius both had their wands drawn, and Bellatrix was holding her's stiffly at her side, ready and waiting.

"Three against one is hardly fair." I heard a voice say from behind me. I turned around and saw James and Peter rushing towards us. They were both wearing their outdoor cloaks, and James was carrying the map and the invisibility cloak in his hand.

Regulus, Lucius, and Bellatrix snarled at me, but they left, not liking the odds being evenly matched.

I was so glad to see James and Peter, but before I could say anything James startled me by saying. "We have to hurry. The moon's been up for a good hour now."

I nodded harshly, and we ran out onto the grounds hurrying to make it to the Whomping Willow.

Could we make it in time?

**Yayy. That's done. Now, review and tell me what you think please! =D**


	7. Almost

**So here is chapter seven, and I really hope you guys enjoy it. Disclaimer same as always. Warning: Slash, and a little gore in this one. Not gruesome or anything, but just throwing it in there in case. **

As we ran together, for the first time in two weeks, for the same cause, it almost felt like old times. I didn't want to get the wrong idea though. Who was to say they would stay with us after this? Maybe they just felt guilty.

On the grounds, the first thing I noticed was that it was eerily quiet. No sound made by a living creature reached our ears as we ran. The wind blew through the trees, causing ominous creaking sounds, but other than that there was nothing. No sound of the distant howling from the shack, like we used to be able to hear. No sound from inside the forest. Nothing.

I would have rather heard the distant howling of Moony in pain, rather than the heart wrenching silence that meet my ear drums. The howling would have meant that he was at least still alive, but it couldn't mean anything good if he was silent.

James and Peter weren't talking. The strange tension in the air prevented us from finding the words to describe what needed to be said.

Peter transformed as quickly as possible. He darted forward, and pressed the knob on the tree. James and I hurried forward and slid down into the tunnel, Peter close behind. I raced down the familiar path that we traveled so often.

I didn't know what to expect as I took the stairs two at a time. Before I went into the room, I transformed, and jumped the final stair and bounded into the room. I froze in the door way, where Prongs barreled into me, almost tripping, hooves sliding on the wood floor, Wormtail nearly dislodged from between his antlers.

Moony was curled in the very corner of the room, barley breathing. With the way he was laying, we couldn't see how bad it was, but it didn't look good. There was blood on the floor, and the furniture was shredded to pieces. Moony lifted his head very slightly to gaze at us, before he let it drop back to the floor with a soft 'thud'. He whined at us, a heartbreaking sound that chilled me to the bones. I had never heard him make such a pleading, defeated noise during any of the times we'd been with him.

I crawled across the room slowly, not able to remove my eyes from the pain filled, honey colored orbs that were gazing at me with a mix between betrayal and hope. When I made it to where he was lying, I dropped down lower and whimpered. He returned the noise sadly, and I licked him across the muzzle. I pressed against him, trying to keep him warm. James clopped over to us, and dropped down next to him as well.

There was nothing we could do until morning. We just had to make sure he stayed awake. Madame Pomfrey wouldn't be able to come and see him yet, and there was a very slim chance Moony would let us near him in our human bodies.

Moony's breathing was labored, and he drew in breath with a slight whistle. I looked at Prongs, who meet my eyes, and I was surprised at the amount of pain and guilt that looked back at me from his brown eyes.

That was enough for me. Everything that had happened, I could forgive him for, in that moment of pain and guilt that we both shared. I laid my head down on my paws next to Moony's. Prongs hung his head, staring at the dust that was gathering on the floor.

Our breath sent up little puffs of dust, and I took to counting each cloud to pass the time, which passed slowly. Moony kept nodding off, but I would nudge him in the side, and he would open his eyes blearily.

When dawn came, Moony writhed in pain, howling in pain, and when his transformation finished, the pain had caused him to lose consciousness. I transformed back, and rolled him over so we could see how badly he was hurt. James watched over my shoulder anxiously.

He had long scratches down his arms and legs, but the worst was on his chest. It was scratched and bitten so deeply, I was sure I could fit most of my finger into the cuts. I pulled out my wand, and charmed his pants back on. I quickly put my wand back in my pocket.

"Can we risk carrying him back ourselves? Or do we have to wait until she comes to get him?" James asked nervously from the corner.

"The question is if we can risk waiting." I said. I knelt down by Remus. I shook his shoulder lightly. "Moony? Come on, you need to wake up." He remained motionless. I shook him a little harder. He groaned, but didn't open his eyes.

"I think we should carry him back. I don't think he'll make it until Madame Pomfrey comes for him." Peter said quietly from the place where he was pacing.

I looked over at him. He was pale, but he looked determined. I nodded finally. "Let's move, and fast."

I picked up Remus and jogged down the stairs quickly. We speed down the tunnel. Peter went out before us and pushed the knob freezing the tree. We clambered out after him.

When we got to the hospital wing, Madame Pomfrey was filing out some papers in her office. When she looked up and saw us enter, she sprang to her feet and started moving around, gathering things.

"Put him in the back room, quickly Sirius." She said, sounding worried.

I did as instructed, setting Remus on the bed in his private room for after his transformation, and then James, Peter and I hung back nervously not knowing what to do.

I paced, waiting for Madame Pomfrey to say we could go in and see him.

When she finally emerged, she looked grim.

"Is he ok?" We all asked, almost shouted, at the same time.

She looked at us for a moment before saying. "He's stable." The tone of her voice didn't sound hopeful.

"Is he going to make it?" I asked quietly, almost so low that now one could hear.

"I don't know. Honestly, it doesn't look good." She admitted, wringing her hands nervously.

We slowly entered the room where Remus was. I sank down into the chair next to the bed, James and Peter sat in the chairs across from us.

We watched Remus silently for a while. The sadness that filled me was overwhelming. I could lose him. Madame Pomfrey wasn't confident that'd he'd live. I had been so stupid. Why hadn't I gone earlier? Why hadn't I just gone with him? I shouldn't have promised him anything, and now, my mistake could cost Remus his life. I'd never get to talk to him again. Never see those honey colored eyes. Never get to hear his laugh. I'd never get to kiss him again. We'd never get to spend all lunch at the lake with Lily. He'd never push me in the lake, and the come in after me because he felt bad again. I'd never get to tell him I loved him again. He'd never say it back to me.

Suddenly there were so many things I hadn't done for him. So many stupid things I took for granted. I hadn't told him I loved him enough. I hadn't bough him a good enough present for his birthday. I hadn't held his hand as often as I should have. I hadn't spent enough time with him. I didn't help him in the library as often as I should have. I hadn't watched the sunrise with him that one day he'd asked me to.

And suddenly, I started crying again. Why had I been such a failure? Why had I been such a horrible boyfriend to him? Why hadn't I spent ever moment I could with him? There were so many things that I might not get to say to him. So many things I may never have the chance to do with him again. So many stupid things I had all the time in the world to do, but never wanted to because I was a selfish git that couldn't see past my own wants and needs.

"This is all my fault." James said, breaking the silence.

I looked up at him, vision blurry. "We're equally to blame for this James. I should have never promised not to come."

He looked at me sadly. "You were keeping a promise. I wasn't there in time because I couldn't see over the fact that you guys were together. Love is love, but I didn't figure that out until it was too late. I probably wouldn't have even thought about the full moon unless you'd talked to me when you had."

Peter nodded his head in agreement. "We should have stopped being so stupid a long time ago. About the time we saw what other people where doing to you. When we saw his back is when we should have stopped. On top of all he's gone through, the gods thrust this upon his as well."

I wiped my eyes on my sleeve, trying to be able to see better. James' eyes were red as were Peter's. It seemed that they were about as upset as I was.

I smiled at them. "There's nothing we can do now. That's the past." I didn't need their apology any more. Remus might, but I was fine now. I believed that they were sorry, and that was enough.

* * *

I blinked open my eyes, but closed them quickly due to the bright light. Squinting, I tried to guess where I was. I felt confused and disoriented. I could see a mass of black hair moving around. Pacing it looked like.

"Pads?" I whispered, voice hoarse. The black blob of hair stopped short and turned around, peering down at me.

"Sirius! Sirius come over here quick. Peter, go get Madame Pomfrey. He's awake!" The voice of the black hair called.

It wasn't Sirius, it was… James? I tried to open my eyes wider, but the lights still blinded me. I couldn't imagine why James was here. Was it possible I really had died? I had figured I would. Death shouldn't be this painful, but why else would James be here? I hadn't even said good bye to Sirius. What was I supposed to do now? I started panicking a bit inside my head.

"Rem? Moony? I'm here. Come on, talk to me Remus." Sirius' voice this time. I would know that voice anywhere.

"I never said goodbye!" I moaned, thinking about how I had just walked away from him. Maybe this was god letting me change what I wanted to fix. "Sirius, I'm so sorry. I should have said goodbye."

"What are you talking about Rem? What do you mean?" Sirius' voice asked sounding frightened. "James, he's delusional."

"No, I'm not! I didn't say good bye to you, and now I'll never see you again." I said in despair, trying to look for the source of his voice. The bright light was hurting my head.

"Remus, what are you talking about? Of course you're going to see me again." Sirius' voice told me frantically.

I heard more voices now.

"Move Sirius! Let me see him." Madame Pomfrey?

Then another voice cut in. "Is he ok? Did he say anything?" Peter.

"I think he thinks he's dead. He kept saying stuff about saying goodbye to Sirius. Said he was sorry he hadn't said good bye, and how he'd never see Sirius again." James explained, talking rapidly.

"Oh Remus!" Lily's voice cried out.

I wasn't dead? My brain hurt too much to think, and then there was a cold glass pressing against my lips, and then there was a liquid pouring into my throat. It cleared my head up a little, and I could open my eyes enough to see. The lights didn't hurt anymore, thankfully. I could finally see where I was.

I was in my private room in the hospital wing. I tried to sit up, but a multitude of hands came and pressed me back down.

There were five anxious faces peering down at me. I looked at them individually.

There was Madame Pomfrey looking frazzled. Then James was next to her, looking relieved. Peter looked pale. Lily's eyes were brimming with tears. And finally, Sirius, who looked worst of all. He had dark circles under his eyes, and looked like he hadn't eaten or slept for almost a week. His eyes were bright red from crying.

"Padfoot? Prongs? Wormtail? Lily?" I asked, trying to figure out what could possibly be going on.

Sirius made a noise that sounded like a mix between a hiccup and a sob.

"God Moony, I thought I'd lost you."

**OK another chapter up and done! So review and tell me what you think! I hope you guys enjoy it. **


	8. Bubble Wrap

**Yay, so here's chapter 8. Disclaimer same as always. Warnings the same too.**

I blinked at Sirius. "Thought you'd… lost me?" I repeated. "What happened this moon? Why are they here?" I asked, nodding towards James and Peter.

They all shared a look.

"I'm sure you guys can handle this." Madame Pomfrey said, bustling away to tend to other things.

The remaining people in the room sat down in the chairs that surrounded the bed.

Sirius looked at me. "We almost didn't make it Rem. It was a close call. You've been unconscious for nearly a week."

A week? I gaped at him, before thinking about the whole 'we' part of it. "Who is 'we'?" I asked, wondering if Lily hand risked the shrieking shack.

"James, Pete, and me." Sirius replied.

I looked at James and Pete, mouth open slightly in shock. They were nodding at me. They had actually come?

Sirius went on and explained. "Do you remember that day I went to the kitchen, the day before the full moon?"

I nodded, unable to talk.

"Well, that night I actually went and talked to James and Pete, instead of the kitchens, and told them about how worried we were. I didn't want to tell you, because I didn't think they'd come, and in the beginning I don't think they were. The night of the moon, I was sitting in the common room, and decided that I couldn't leave you alone out there."

I looked at him half disapproving half reproachful.

"I just couldn't Rem; you would have done the same thing in my place." He said, looking at my expression.

"Anyway, I was running down the corridor, and I was almost there, when Regulus, my dear cousin Bellatrix, and Lucius cornered me, but James and Pete were running down towards the entrance hall, with the cloak and the map, and they were coming to help. I was so thankful for them showing up, and then after that we ran to the shack. You were barley alive Rem. I didn't know what to do. So when the sun came up, we ran back to the castle. Ever since, you've been in a… what did Madame Pomfrey call it? A coma? Well whatever it was, you wouldn't wake up. I was so scared." He finished quietly.

Peter and James nodded. Lily looked closed to tears just from the memories of it.

I looked at James. "What made you come that night?" I asked, wondering if things would go back to before they found out, or if it would go back to being like it was after they found out.

James looked embarrassed. "Well, after I freaked out in the common room, I didn't want to come talk to you guys, because honestly I felt horrible after that, and seeing you guys being hurt from it made it so much worse, but I didn't want to admit I was wrong. I was being stupid and selfish. So when Sirius asked us for help, it was the perfect opportunity to come back to the group. To get you're forgiveness for being such a prick to you guys. I'm really sorry Remus. And Sirius. I had no right to judge you. I hope you can forgive me, though I don't deserve it."

Peter had been nodding along the whole time. After James finished talking, Lily burst into tears, and pulled a very surprised James into a tight hug.

"James Potter, you are such a prat." She sobbed out, voice muffled by his torso.

James looked bewildered, and stared at us in shock over Lily's head. I had to stifle a laugh, and Sirius had a small smile tugging at his lips.

After the awkward apologies were out of the way, we just talked for a while before Madame Pomfrey came in, a few potions in hand. I drank them all, grimacing at the taste of each one.

As the effects of the sleeping potion kicked in, and the last thing I saw before I blacked out was Sirius' face as he watched me.

When I came around again, the sunlight pouring through the windows told me it was around mid day. I looked around and saw that James and Pete were both falling asleep in the chairs over by the wall. Looking towards the other side, I saw Sirius was likewise, dozing in a chair. I was glad to see him asleep; it looked like he needed it.

Using the pillows to prop myself up, I looked over at the table next to the bed. There was a box on it with my name on it.

I picked it up, and opened it as quietly as I could not wanting to disturb the others in the room.

I pulled the letter out and read it first.

_Remus,_

_They told us you were awake, but when we came by you were asleep, and we didn't want to wake you. I'm so glad you're feeling better honey. We'll be back up later today. _

_Your father and I have been staying in __Hogsmeade__ ever since the headmaster told us what happened. We were so worried. We'll be coming up to see you after dinner. _

_With love, _

_Mum and dad_

I stared at the note. Both mum and dad were here? I dug through the rest of the box's contents.

I pulled out my mum's usual tin of sweets, along with a new quill and a number of ink bottles all contained in bubble wrap. I smiled; popping one of the small bubbles. James woke with a start as the noise echoed through the room. He stared around, before looking at me. He yawned, before standing up and stretching.

"What have you got there, Moony?" He asked, walking over and sitting in the chair by the bed.

"Bubble wrap. I used to love popping this stuff." I said, handing him one of the many sheets that littered the bed.

"Bubble wrap? Is this some muggle contraption?" He asked, eyeing the clear plastic wearily.

"Yeah, it is. Just squeeze it where you see the air pockets." I told him.

He looked mistrustfully at it, before doing as I said. It made the familiar popping sound. James yelped and dropped it, staring at it as if it had shocked him. He then picked it up, and popped another one. He smiled deviously before popping the rest of the row he'd already started.

"This stuff is amazing!" He exclaimed, before looking at me as I watched Sirius sleeping.

"He hasn't moved from that chair for the whole time you've been here. He wouldn't leave to eat or even leave here to sleep. McGonagall came down here to try and convince him to come to lessons, but he refused. Dumbledore came down after that, and when again he refused, Dumbledore looked proud and said something like 'Ah, the power of love' and left. After that, no one bothered him about leaving. He probably wouldn't have eaten the whole time if you're mom hadn't forced him to eat some brownies and fudge the third day you were here. In fact, I don't think he's eaten since then either." James told me in a mater-of-fact manner.

I glanced desperately at his face, and then looked back as Sirius. So my guess that he hadn't eaten or slept for almost a week was right.

"He didn't have to do that!" I said, looking at James.

"I know, and we tried to get him to come with us to dinner and stuff, but he said that he couldn't leave you alone." We both looked over at him. After that, James went back to popping the bubble wrap, and when he finished with his sheet, we talked about what had been happening outside of the hospital wing while I had been in here.

Sirius woke up around fifteen minutes later, and walked across the room towards the other chair by the bed, rubbing his eyes as he came. When he got close to the bed, there was a series of loud popping sounds as he stepped on one of the discarded pieces of bubble wrap.

With a dramatic shriek, he jumped back looking around, making sure he was ok, while James and I roared with laughter. It felt good to laugh, like this, with James. Sirius looked at us disdainfully, before bending down to pick up the offending piece of bubble wrap.

He held it loosely between two fingers, and placed it on my bed with the rest of them.

I looked over at Pete, surprised he had slept through all that.

"What is this stuff Moony? I thought it was going to curse me." He said indignantly.

I smiled. "It's bubble wrap. My mom sent me some because she knows I like to pop it. It was worth getting just to see the expression on yours and James' faces though."

He eyed it warily before picking up one of them, and popping one of the small bubbles. His eyes lit up, and he began popping one of the sheets with a new found excitement, while James popped another one as well. Laughing like mad, they walked over to Pete, and counting down, the both popped multiple ones at the same time. Peter woke up with a yelp, and stared around, wand raised.

I rolled my eyes, watching fondly as now, all three of them, began popping the rest of the sheets of it.

"Now I know what to get you all for Christmas." I said sarcastically.

"That would be so cool. Yes do it!" James said, clearly missing the sarcasm.

Sirius cackled as he jumped up and down on one of the few remaining pieces.

Lily walked in at that moment, Madame Pomfrey at her heals. "What in the world is going on in her?" Madame Pomfrey asked in confusion.

"Is that bubble wrap?" Lily asked, looking at the scattered sheets of plastic. Madame Pomfrey looked around, and seeing nothing dangerous, left with a stern glare at everyone on her way out.

"Why yes, it is, Lily flower." Sirius said, tossing her the last sheet left. It didn't go very far; instead it simply floated down to the floor harmlessly. Lily shook her head, walking over to James.

"Are you coming to dinner with me?" She asked, tilting her head up so she could look at him properly.

"Yeah, I'm coming." James winked at us after Lily turned around before following her out. When they made it to the door, James stopped and turned around. "Are you coming?" He asked Pete and Sirius.

Pete hastened forward, going out the door. James looked expectantly at Sirius.

"Well, I was going to stay her-"

"Sirius Black, you go eat right now. Starving yourself will not make me get better faster." I told him sternly. He looked like he was about to protest, but I growled angrily before he could say anything.

"Fine. I'll be back as soon as possible, ok?" He told me, not waiting for my answer, he and James hurried out the door.

I rolled my eyes. Madame Pomfrey came back in, carrying a tray of food, which I took happily.

After I had eaten, I sat up straighter, waiting for my parents to come. Sirius came back, carrying a bunch of food, having decided to eat in the hospital wing.

He smiled sheepishly at me when I told him he could have stayed with James and Pete.

My parents dropped by shortly after that.

"Oh Remus!" My mum screeched as she ran into the room, pulling me into a hug.

"Ouch, mum too tight. Can't breath." I gasped out.

"Oh sorry honey. I've just been so worried about you." She said. She turned to look at Sirius. "Oh Sirius, dear, how good to see you. Have you eaten yet?" She asked, looking him over.

"Yes , I ate a little bit ago. Remus made me." He told her, looking at me.

My dad stepped into the room, looking a bit bed ragged. He came over and hugged me, thankfully not as tight as mum had.

"Good to see you awake son." He said, ruffling my hair. I smiled at both of them.

"So how is everything going for you boys?" My mum asked, sitting down on one of the chairs.

"A lot better." Sirius said, sitting in the chair across the bed from her.

"That's good dear. I know you were worried." She said, smiling at him. "How are your injuries healing Remus?" She asked, turning to me.

I shrugged. "They're doing better. I think they're about good. I hope to get released tomorrow." I said desperately.

She laughed. "I think you'll be good for tomorrow. So, Remus, I need to ask you a question. Do you know who did that to your back?" She asked urgently.

I gaped at her. "Madame Pomfrey told you about that?"

Mum looked guiltily at me. "No, she showed us."

I made a face. "No clue, it was too crowded."

"I do." Sirius said glumly. "It was Lucius Malfoy."

"How do you know?" My dad asked, looking at Sirius.

"He told me." He said, swinging his legs, and looking at his feet.

"We'll I'll be talking to the headmaster about that, you can be sure of that. He has no right to do that to you." My mum said angrily.

"So you're ok with… it?" I asked, wondering how they had initially reacted to it.

"Of course honey, I've known for ages you like blokes." She smiled at Sirius, and then at me.

I rolled my eyes. My mum was too insightful for her own good, but then I smiled, glad my family still supported me.

**So what did you guys think? I for whatever reason had this vision of them doing that with Bubble Wrap because wizards didn't have it. I thought it would add a litle comedy. ^_~ But who knows, just tell me what you think in a review!**

**Happy New Year, btw.  
**


	9. Hogsmeade

**OMG I am so so so sorry it's been so long between my last update and this one! My computer got this huge virus, and it crashed. There was nothing I could do, so my dad had to re-image it. That took like forever, and then I had to study for exams and crap. I'm really really really really really really sorry. D: I'm such a bad person.**

**Anyway, here's chapter 9. Warnings: Descriptive makeout sesion. male/male Disclaimer: Don't own.**

Remus was released from the hospital wing Friday evening, still slightly battered, but more or less ok. It was the night before the months Hogsmeade visit. Remus and I planned to spend the day together, as a date type thing.

Much to our amusement, we weren't the only ones with a date. James was bewildered by the fact that Lily Evans had asked _him, _James Potter, out. James was left a confused, nervous wreck, much to our enjoyment.

Friday night I had set my alarm, using a special kind that was only heard by the person who set it. That is how I ended up awake even before the sun was.

I was planning to wake Remus up so we could watch the sunrise together. I didn't really remember what we had said, but Remus had one day asked me to watch it with him, but I had just gone back to sleep. After he had gotten hurt, I realized one early morning wouldn't have really hurt me. I opened the curtains around my bed, and glanced out the window. I still had a few minutes to get him up.

I changed into Padfoot, and stood over Remus, looking down at his peaceful face. Then, I proceeded to like him on the face repeatedly.

He woke with a start. "Ack! Padfoot, stop. Padfoot! What are you -! Ah! Bleh Gross!!" He complained, sitting up and shoving me off him after I had effectively managed to lick him in the mouth.

I changed back, and kneeled next to him. "This tongue has been in your mouth a number of times, and you never complained then." I told him with a smirk.

He glared at me, looking particularly cute, rather than scary, with his hair sticking up in tuffs around his head. "Want to tell my why we are up so early in the morning?" He asked, not commenting on my previous statement.

"Well, you remember that morning you tried to wake me up early so we could watch the sunrise?" I asked casually.

"Yes." He said, raising and eyebrow. "And you told me something along the lines of 'But Moony, the gnomes are showing me the oatmeal,' and then fell asleep."

"Is that what I said?" I asked with mild interest. "Ok, anyway, I woke you up early because well, I wanted you to watch the sunrise with me?" I more asked than said, suddenly unsure of myself. Man, I could be such a girl.

Remus smiled at me. "You got up early to make up a missed sunrise together?"

I nodded, opening the hangings the rest of the way.

He smiled wider as he kicked off the blankets.

We stood together, looking out the window, watching as the sun came up. The array of colors spread out over the horizon, and I was awed by the natural beauty of it. It made me wish I had gotten up that morning when he'd first asked me. This was worth missing a few minutes of sleep. I could have always gone back to sleep after.

When the sky finally started to turn the normal light blue, I ventured back to bed, pulling the hangings closed as Remus climbed in after me. I crawled into bed, snuggling deep into the covers. Remus laid his head down on my shoulder, pulling the blanket over us. We sat quietly for a minute, and I started to doze when Remus sat up on one elbow.

"Thank you for watching the sunrise with me." He said, staring down at me with his intense amber eyes.

"No, Thank you for waking up," I said quietly, implying not only for today, but for waking up from the coma or whatever it was called.

I stretched up, catching his lips with mine. The kiss became more heated, and I flipped us over so I was on top. He let out an animalistic growl, slipping his hands underneath my shirt. His nails scraped lightly up my back, causing me to shiver and goose bumps erupted on my skin.

I moaned against his lips, as my pajama bottoms became pleasantly tented.

I rolled my hips against his, and he let out a longing whimper that I'd heard Moony use a few times on the nights of the full moon. I slipped my hand into his shirt, running my finger tips lightly along a few of his scars. I felt him shiver under me, and I smiled against his lips.

He rocked his hips against mine, and slid my shirt up. I broke our kiss long enough to allow him to pull it over my head. I pulled his off, a few moments after that. Remus flipped us over again, and he slowly moved down my face, kissing and sucking on my neck. I wiggled restlessly, and eventually pulled him back up, latching our lips together again.

We kept going on like that for awhile, before Remus froze above me. We were both out of breath, panting heavily. I was about to ask him what was wrong, when I heard someone else moving around.

"Oi! Are you two finished yet?" James' voice rang out in the now silent dorm room.

I glanced at Remus, cursing quietly. We hadn't put up a silencing charm.

He let out a low, frustrated growl. But the mood had been shattered. I rolled over, grumbling, and stuck my head out of the curtain.

"Thanks a lot Jamsie." I said sarcastically.

James peered out around the bed post. "Nice hickey." He said, pointing to my neck. I felt my face heating up, covering the offending mark with my hand.

"How long have you been up?" Remus asked, looking over my head, changing the subject.

"Not that long actually, but I eventually just couldn't sleep anymore. I'm too nervous." He said, looking into his trunk thoughtfully. "You two should really remember to put up your silencing charms." He commented, as he pulled out a shirt, and then threw it onto the bed in disgust.

Peter let out a loud snore, and James snorted, rolling his eyes. "No idea how he or I could sleep through all the racket you two were making. You know, I'm curious about something." He said, turning to face us, loosely holding a dark green shirt.

I raised an eyebrow in a 'go ahead' sort of way.

"Who's top?" He asked, looking slightly embarrassed to be asking.

Remus burst into startled laughter. I smirked, finding it rather amusing myself, but I contained my amusement.

"We share the honor Jamsie. Just depends on the day."

We moved onto less awkward subjects and we got dressed.

James had tried on his fifth outfit when he finally turned to us. "What should I wear? What do you think she'll like?" James asked, throwing another shirt aside onto the already overflowing pile.

"Girls aren't exactly our specialty James." I said, but he gave us both a pleading look.

Remus sighed. "Just because we're gay…" He muttered, but he walked forward to help a distressed James.

We both dug around in James' trunk to find something suitable for him to wear. Finally, we decided on dress pants and a blue button up shirt. I tossed him the articles of clothing.

Peter, who had woken up a few minutes earlier, laughed. "James, you're worse than a girl."

James scowled at him, pulling on the clothes. "Am not."

A few minutes later, he looked into the mirror. Remus, Peter, and I turned to leave.

"Why can't it just lay flat?!" James cried desperately from behind us. We all swung around, and watched as he desperately tried to flatten out his not cooperative hair.

Remus gave a deep sigh, before walking over and pulling out his wand. He mumbled a few words. "That should hold it until at least your date is over." He said, stepping back to look at what his spell had managed to do.

"Thanks Remus! You're a life saver." James said enthusiastically, looking at his magically flattened hair. He pulled Remus into a bone crushing hug, and then did the same to me. "You too Sirius!" He said, before running out the doors and disappearing from sight as he thundered down the stairs.

Peter snorted. "Finally. Let's go get breakfast."

We walked to the Great Hall, where we found a flustered James seated, looking nauseous.

"I don't think I can eat without being sick." He told us miserably. Just as we sat down, Lily came sweeping into the Great Hall.

"Oh no! Hide me! She looks amazing, and I look like this. I'm not ready for her to see me. I have to go change into something better." James cried in distress, but it was too late. Lily has spotted us and was making her way over, smiling brightly.

"Hello Remus, Sirius." She said, smiling even wider if possible. She turned to look at James, and her face took on a slightly suppressed expression. "You look nice James. How did you get your hair to lay so flat?"

"You look lovely Lily." James blurted. He blushed. "Umm. Thanks. Remus used a spell or something."

Lily gave him another radiant smile, before sitting down next to him and falling into easy conversation with the girls next to them. James looked slightly green.

We talked, trying to get James to relax some.

When Lily finished eating, she looked at James, who still hadn't managed to take a bite. "Are you ready to go?" She asked.

James nodded, seeming to have lost the ability to use some of his motor skills.

We watched them walk out, before falling into fits of hysterical laughter.

"Poor James. He looked like he might pass out." Peter wheezed through his laughter.

Remus and I left the building a little later, walking down towards the gates.

We walked around, holding hands, through the streets. We didn't pay any attention to the people who pointed at us. We looked through the shop windows together, before decided to go to the Three Broom Sticks to have a butter beer.

Remus saved us a booth as I went and got our drinks. I waited patiently at the counter, and after Madame Rosemerta handed me the bottles, I turned around and saw someone talking to Remus. A chill swept through me as I realized who it was. I quickly made my through the crowd.

"—doesn't even really like you. He's just using you for attention. To make our mother mad." Regulus said with a sneer. I realized what they must be talking about.

I tapped him on the shoulder with my free hand. As he turned around, I swung my fist, hitting him on the side of the face with as much force as I could summon. I heard a sharp crack, and Regulus stumbled to the side holding his face.

He glared at me as he ran out the door, followed closely by his usual crowd. I set the bottles down on the table, and looked at Remus. His eyes were misty with unshed tears.

I frowned at him, sliding in to sit next to him. "You know what he said isn't true right?" I asked, pulling him closer to me.

He nodded against my neck, hair tickling my face.

"Next time he comes near you, just hex him for me. I won't tell if you don't." I said, earning a slight chuckle out of him.

We spent the rest of our time sitting together, watching the other Hogwarts students. When it finally started to get dark, we grudgingly made our way towards the castle, wanting nothing more than to go eat dinner.

We ate quickly, before going up to the common room, and sitting together on the couch by the fire. Remus snuggled into my side reading a book, and I just daydreamed.

Lily came in a little later, giggling.

Remus looked up from his book. "How was your date?" He asked curiously.

"Ohh. It was great! I had an amazing time." She answered happily, smiling like mad. "I have to go tell Alice." She ran up the girls dormitory stairs.

James came in after she had disappeared from sight. He looked miserable. "What happened to you?" I asked in wonder. "Lily was just ranting about having a great time."

"She was probably just being nice. First, I tripped down the flight of stairs leading out of the castle, then I spilt butter beer all over the both of us, _then _I managed to set my robes on fire as I tried to dry them!" James cried, putting his face in his hands.

I stifled a laugh. "It musn't have been that bad." Remus said gently.

"But it was!" He wailed. He stood up. "I'm going to bed." He said sulkily.

"It's a miracle how you can get such different answers from two people." Remus mused, looking up the stairs after James.

I laughed. "I wonder why Lily liked it too much."

"Probably because James didn't seem as big headed when he was making all his mistakes." Remus guess, which sounded about right.

"We'll have to ask her tomorrow." I said, settling back into the couch.

Today had been one of the nicest days of my life. Minus the Regulus part of course.

**Again, I'm so sorry. What can I do to make it up to you guys? DDD: **

**Review with request. **


	10. Lost it

**Here's the next part. I don't know if I'll be able to update as often as I was before. I may only be able to get about one or two up a week. Sorry guys. School is being crazy right now.**

Sunday morning at breakfast, Remus, Lily, and I walked down early. James had refused to come down the stairs when Lily had called up asking him if he wanted to come with her. He told me to tell her that he was in the shower.

Peter had reluctantly stayed behind to get James to calm down enough to come and eat.

Lily was chatting happily away about school with Remus. I never did understand how they could so easily talk about such a boring subject.

"Hey Lily, I have a question for you. Last night, James was complaining about spilling butterbeer on you. I always thought girls didn't want drinks spilled on them. How come you enjoyed your date so much?" I cut in randomly.

Lily smiled dreamily. "Well, you see, when he was being all flustered, he wasn't acting like a big prat like usual. Seeing him make all those nervous mistakes was extremely endearing."

"So, are you two a couple or something?" I asked.

"I really hope so, but James has to stop avoiding me first. It really wasn't that bad," She sighed, sitting down on the bench.

"He'll come around," Remus assured as he sat down.

Soon after they had seated themselves, James and Peter appeared. Lily smiled and waved at them from her seat.

James looked ready to bolt from the Great Hall, but Peter took him firmly by the arm and dragged him to where we were seated.

"Hi James!" Lily exclaimed with a bright smile at him.

"Hi Lily," James replied nervously, taking a seat next to her. He jumped about a foot off the bench when Lily suddenly took his hand, and started talking animatedly about their date.

I smiled, and turned to Remus, who was watching them with an amused expression. "Look at that, we made James have a chance with Lily."

Remus snorted. "Yeah, sure," He laced his fingers with mine, and we continued to eat our breakfast peacefully.

That is, until a few Sixth year Ravenclaws walked by and pointed at our locked fingers. "Fags," They said with a sneer. I don't know why I didn't see this coming. I guess I really hadn't known how close to a breaking point Remus had been. I started to pull my hand away from him, but he held onto it with an iron grip. He stood up angrily from the bench.

"I'm sick of this!" He all but shouted at the rather shocked Ravenclaws. The Hall fell silent as they swiveled around to watch.

"Everyone is acting as if they're so much better than us just because we fancy other boys. Well, you know what? You aren't. In fact, I think you're below us. You act like you're all that, but maybe you're just covering for the fact that you're gay to. I know for a fact that you are at least Bi. I walked in on you kissing another boy in the Prefect's bathroom. I never told because I didn't want you to go through all this," Remus snarled, pointing at the Ravenclaw Prefect who stood frozen, eyes wide, in the middle of the group. The others moved a few steps away from him. I watched in amazement as my Moony ranted.

"And you lot. If I hadn't said that, would you have backed away from him just then? He's still the exact same person. I mean, he hasn't come onto you has he? So, get over yourselves. If I ever hear the word 'fag' again directed at anyone, I'll give you all a week's worth of detentions," Remus sat back down on the bench, and stabbed angrily at a piece of sausage on his plate.

I looked at the side of his face, about to say something, when suddenly Lily was clapping loudly, along with James who joined in. Pete started in as well, and slowly people around the hall were clapping. Not many, granted, but a good number of people, along with Dumbledore, who's eyes were twinkling more than ever.

The Ravenclaws hurried out of the Great Hall as McGonagall swept down the path between the tables. "Mr. Lupin, as much as they deserved that, I would appreciate it if you didn't start screaming in the middle of breakfast," She said sternly, though a smile was tugging at the side of her lips.

"Sorry Professor," Remus said, slightly embarrassed.

She walked back up to the Head Table, where Dumbledore gave a broad smile to Remus, who looked away quickly, blushing.

"Good show, Remus," James said enthusiastically. Lily nodded vigorously next to him.

"I feel bad, I shouldn't have outed him like that," Remus said moodily, pushing his plate away suddenly.

"He deserved it," I told him gently, squeezing his hand reassuringly.

"Either way, it wasn't my secret to share," Remus insisted. I shook my head, kissing him lightly on the cheek.

"Aww, you two are so cute," Lily's friend, Alice, said, watching us with a smile.

"I know aren't they?!" Lily said excitedly. I could feel my face heating up, so I pretended to be absorbed in my pancakes.

The rest of the morning past by uneventfully. Lily, James, Pete, Remus, and I spent the day lounging in the Gryffindor common room.

"Hey guys?" Peter asked, looking towards Remus and me.

"Hmmm?" I hummed, looking up from the chess game I was currently losing.

"Well, I was wondering, when Remus said the whole thing about secrets this morning, I started to wonder how Snape how found out yours?" Peter asked nervously.

"…Well."

_-Flashback ahead-_

_I glanced around the bookshelf, looking at Moony who was surrounded by a pile of books, looking up information for his Potions essay. _

_I crept forward quietly, smiling madly. Looking around to make sure no one was watching, I wrapped Remus in a hug from behind and kissed him sloppily on the cheek._

_He squeaked, dropping his quill, and turned to glare at me as I dropped into a chair. "No fair, you know if I'm concentrating too hard I don't hear anyone coming," He pouted._

_I grinned like the Cheshire cat. "I know, that's the point,"_

_He frowned at me, shaking his head, and looked back down at his essay. "Look what you made me do Sirius. There's ink splatters all over it." _

_I rolled my eyes. "There's o n drop, Remus, calm down."_

"_But it's covering up three words! I'm going to have to start all over again-" I leaned towards him as he ranted gesturing madly at his paper, the quill, the ink bottle, and me. _

"_You talk too much Moony," I whispered huskily, kissing him mid-sentence. _

_Unlucky for us, Snape walked around the corner at that moment, muttering about something. He froze when he saw us, and we stared equally as shocked. Snape's face broke into an evil, twisted smile. _

"_Oh Remus, you are full of secrets aren't you. I may not be able to share the other one, because of Dumbledore, but I can definitely talk about this one," He turned on his heal and fled from the Library. _

"-And that's what happened," I finished.

Remus smiled slightly. "The look on his face was priceless, looking back."

I smiled, glad it wasn't as painful to look back as it first had been. Maybe things were looking up after all.

**Hope you enjoyed this one. I hope to update soon. =S**


	11. Gone

**Woo, next part is up! Disclaimer and warnings the same as normal.**

Over the next few weeks, things slowly, very slowly, began to change and shift. You to be looking closely to see it, but I was.

I realized it had started when, two days after my outburst in the Great Hall, Thomas Hunter, the Ravenclaw prefect and Justin O'Riley, the Hufflepuff prefect, approached Sirius and me as we were sitting under a tree near the lake. The two prefects were the ones I had walked in on while they were in the prefects' bathroom. When they came to talk to us, they were holding hands.

"Hey Remus, Sirius," Thomas said, uncomfortably, but smiling.

"Thomas, Justin?" Sirius replied in surprise.

"I wanted to apologize for what I said the other day. It was wrong, and you were right. I didn't want the people I called my friends to know. I didn't want to go through what I was watching you two go through," Thomas said. "But, I realized that it was worth it. Love is worth it, right? So I came out to the Ravenclaws, Justin to the Hufflepuffs, and we didn't have to hide anymore. "

Justin nodded, smiling softly. "Thank you."

With that, they turned away, swinging their interlocked hands as they walked.

After that, people still talked about us, but they didn't do so as openly. They still wouldn't walk or sit near us, but it was different somehow.

So slowly, the dynamics of the school changed. The Slytherins were still opening hostile, but it was still different.

As I noticed the school changing, I realized to my utter dismay that the full moon was approaching alarmingly fast. I mean, I guess I spent the first week of the month unconscious, but still.

So, it was with a feeling of dread that I left for the hospital wing so Madame Pomfrey could escort me to the Shrieking Shack.

"Hope this moon is better than the last one," Madame Pomfrey told me as she said goodbye.

"It will be," I promised.

She smiled and kissed the top of my head. "I hope so, dear. I hope so."

She disappeared down the stairs, and I listened to her go down the tunnel. Silence fell, as I was left to look around the room. The house creaked in the wind, but other than that, I was alone. The room was full of scratches and destroyed furniture. Moony's mark and proof he'd been here. The dark red stains on the floor and the tuffs of fur left over from Moony tearing at himself.

I turned towards the door when I heard the shuffling of feet as people moved through the rock tunnel and into the shack.

James, Peter, and Sirius appeared. I smiled at them.

"Don't worry Moony. This one's going to be better." James said with a smile.

I didn't get to reply as the moon came up over the trees. I couldn't suppress a shriek as my bones began to crunch and shift. Fur sprouted everywhere, and my conscious was shoved roughly aside. My throat wasn't mine anymore. Moony howled partly in pain, but more in triumph.

Moony was free.

**Moony's POV**

He whined as the pain subsided. He shook out his fur, paws slipping on the wooden floor. Sharp smells came from around the room.

Moony's pack was standing against the wall of fake-den. Moony's Padfoot was coming towards him. Moony gave a yelp of excitement, tail wagging hopefully.

Moony's Padfoot barked happily. "Outside? Play?"

Moony bounced down the stairs, and they all went together out the door.

Moony's large grass eater with Moony's little rat on his head trotted towards the forest, just ahead of Moony and Moony's Padfoot. Moony's Padfoot walked close enough that their coats brushed.

Moony decided that he wanted to run, and with a bark, barreled past Moony's large grass eater and Moony's little rat. Moony's Padfoot charged after him, tongue hanging out.

Flying through the trails in the trees, Moony's Padfoot easily caught up. They loped gracefully together, side by side, heading deeper into the forest.

Moony saw the drop off before his Padfoot did. He slid to an ungraceful stop, mere inches away from a near five foot drop. It then sloped out, a steep slope that was dotted with rocks and trees. "No ground! No ground!" Moony warned his Padfoot.

Moony's Padfoot slipped and skidded as he tried to stop himself. Moony reached out and caught the stuff of his Padfoot's neck in his mouth just was he fell over the ledge. The weight pulled Moon towards the edge. He couldn't pull his Padfoot back up. Moony's Padfoot was too well-feed for Moony's Padfoot's own good. Moony's Padfoot was slipping out of his grasp. Moony wasn't strong enough to pull him up, and if he bit down harder, he would hurt his Padfoot.

Moony's Padfoot glanced down, then back up at Moony, who was crouched low, barely managing to hang on. "Moony, Padfoot ok. Let Padfoot go. Get Prongs, Wormtail. They help."

Moony whined, but didn't let go. He couldn't tell Moony's Padfoot no. If he opened his mouth, Moony's Padfoot would definitely fall.

Moony slid more towards the edge, dirt and rocks raining down as they were loosened by his claws.

Moony's Padfoot whimpered, before he started swinging back and forth. "Moony, let Padfoot go!"

Moony couldn't hold him anymore. As his Padfoot wriggled out of his grip, he watched as Moony's Padfoot plummeted down, hit the slop and rolled down into the darkness, and out of sight.

Moony stood up quickly, and dashed back to fake den. He would wait for his large grass eater there. His large grass eater could us his head sticks to help Moony's Padfoot. Maybe Moony's Padfoot could climb up the slope and climb up using his large grass eater's head sticks.

Fake den was empty when he got back. Moony's pack wasn't anywhere to be seen. Moony paced in agitation as he waited for his large grass eater and his little rat.

He heard them coming, and ran to meet them.

"Moony's Padfoot fall. Moony's Padfoot gone!"

His large grass eater turned his head to the side. Did he not understand? Moony tried again.

"Moony, Padfoot, run. Padfoot no stop. Ground stop. Padfoot fall. Padfoot gone!"

His large grass eater still looked confused.

Moony snarled in frustration. They no understand such obvious statement.

Moony's Padfoot needed help, but Moony couldn't help him. He would have to-

Darn was lightening the sky, and Moony howled in pain.

Moony was no more for the next month.

**Remus's POV**

When I woke up in the hospital wing, I couldn't understand why I felt so distressed. Moony must have been upset.

I sat up slowly, and looked around. Lily and Peter were talking rapidly, but when they saw me, they fell silent. Lily looked upset, and Peter seemed grim.

"What's wrong? You look like someone's died," I said, looking around. "Where are James and Sirius?"

They looked at each other.

Lily looked back at me. "We don't know."

**Bum bum bum. So, I have a question now. Who's point of view do you want the next chapter in? I was thinking it would be cool in either James's POV or Sirius's POV. Just review with your opinions.**


	12. Darkness

**Ahhh, again this took me too long to post. I'm having a bit of writer's block right now. Sorry guys. -_-**

**It ended up being a mix of both Sirius's and James's POV so yeah. Lol, thanks for being patient with me.**

**James's POV**

I hated being in the forest by myself. I turned around quickly as a tree branch snapped behind me. Really hated it. I looked at the Marauders' Map, not that it would help me if it was an animal. Sirius was nowhere to be seen on the map either, and I had no clue how far he and Moony had tramped off last night.

I jumped again as a small mouse came into my field of vision. I swung my arm out trying to light up more than just the circle of ground I stood on.

"This is getting my nowhere. Do you know where he is?" I asked the mouse, who stopped what he was doing to watch me cautiously. "That makes two of us,"

"_Accio Broom_!" I cried, sending the mouse scuttling away as quickly as he could, the tip of his tail disappearing into a hole.

I stood nervously, wondering where on earth Sirius could be now. If he hadn't gone running off ahead of them, he might not have gotten lost. Or maybe this was one of his tricks, just to make sure I was his friend again, to make sure I cared enough to come looking. I seriously hoped that was all.

I could tell that wasn't it though. There was something really wrong. Moony had been acting really weird when he'd come back. He'd been in the shack before us, when normally it took all of our combined strength to get him to return inside.

I jumped violently as I heard something crashing through the trees. I turned to see my broom coming towards me, and felt like banging my head on the nearest tree for being so stupid.

I grabbed the handle, and swung my leg over, rising up into the air. This was going to be a long morning.

I fanned out over the trees, trying to catch a glimpse of anything remotely Sirius shaped. There were a number of problems with my search. 1) The trees were really thick, and I couldn't see through their branches. 2) I couldn't fly between the trees, because then it was too dark. 3) If I rose up too high, I risked being seen from the windows of the castle, so I had to fly really low over the trees, foot almost catching on a number of branches as I went. And 4) I had no clue if I was looking for Sirius, or Padfoot. Padfoot's fur would blend into the shadows, and I had a feeling if that was the case, I would never find him.

I touched the tip of my wand to my neck. "_Sonorus,"_ I mumbled, voice suddenly much louder than normal.

"Sirius!" I called, voice echoing over the trees. Birds fluttered out of nearby trees in distress. Even in Sirius could hear me though; would I be able to hear him? I doubted it. His voice would be muffled as it came through the branches, and I didn't have Moony's hearing. I didn't stand a chance.

As the sun climbed higher into the sky, I started losing hope. "Sirius!" I called again, starting to get desperate.

I heard something faint, so I hovered over the trees, staring down. "Sirius?" I called again, trying to see through the darkness the trees were creating.

"James!" The voice called back, magically enhanced. I thanked all the gods in the world then, diving down through the canopy of leaves.

**Sirius's POV**

Every bone, every muscle, every breath hurt. I couldn't bring myself to move. I knew if I found my wand, I could summon my broom and get back to the castle, but that had fallen out of my pocket sometime during the rolling. I wasn't sure if changing back halfway down the hill had been a good idea or not, but I had, and it was too late to fix it.

I was right now jarred against a tree, but I didn't want to move. Actually, I was pretty sure I couldn't. The forest moved and creaked around me, and I had no clue how far in we were when I fell, but I knew that it would take them long to find me, if they could at all.

I made a decision to sit up and take inventory of my injuries. I struggled into a sitting position, leaning against the tree that had stopped my progress from going any farther. I looked myself over, and saw that my leg was in an awkward position. I knew it was broken. Breathing hurt, so probably a few ribs, along with all the scratches and cuts I had. The left side of my face had been rubbed raw when I skidded to a stop, face scraping against the ground. Blood trickled down my neck and onto the white shirt of my school uniform, a mix of blood from the cut on my face, and the spot where I'd hit the back of my head on a rock.

I wasn't sure how I was going to get all this fixed. If I went to see Madame Pomfrey she'd ask questions. I rattled my brain for a solution, with nothing better to do anyway.

It occurred to me that I might really never see any of my friends again. It was a slim to none chanced that they actually found me, and even if they looked, would the find me or my body? The blood gushing from my head told me that I could very easily bleed to death, if nothing came and ate me first.

I shuddered, looking around warily at the dark shadows around me. Anything could be hiding in there.

I started to think about Remus, trying to get my thoughts away from the things hiding in the forest. I wondered what he was doing right now. I hoped he was still asleep, or that no one had told him I wasn't back. Then he wouldn't be worried. I hoped James would take care of him if I didn't make it.

I looked around, startled by a sudden noise. It sounded like James? Calling my name? I must be losing it. I sighed, but then I heard him again.

The worst that could happen is I wouldn't get an answer. "James!" I screamed as loud as I could, hoping to god I really wasn't hearing things.

"Sirius?!" James cried back.

I looked around, desperately searching for my wand. I could make my voice louder. I just had to find my wand. With all the sticks laying on the ground, it was going to be almost impossible, but then I saw my wand a few yards away.

Gathering all my strength, I leaned over and army crawled to where it was laying.

"_Sonorus_," I said gratefully.

"James!" I shouted, the last of my strength evaporating quickly.

I heard something over head and realized he must be on his broom. James burst through the canopy in a shower of twigs and leaves.

"Thank Merlin," James said, jumping off his broom before it even got low enough to the ground. He staggered, but ran over and kneeled next to me.

He looked me over, light shining from his wand. "God damn it Sirius," He swore angrily. "We have to get you to Madame Pomfrey. Now."

I shook my head furiously. "No, we can't. She'll ask all kinds of questions we won't be able to answer."

"We have no other choice Sirius," James replied forcefully, turning my head to the side so he could look at the raw side of my face.

"You heal me then James. You're good at healing charms," I said, looking back at him.

"For simple scratches, not broken limbs and deep cuts! I might make everything worse!" James said in exasperation.

I gave him a small smile. "I trust you James."

He shook his head. "No, we'll think of something on the way. We'll just tell her you… fell off your broom at practice."

I sighed. "Fine, let's just go. This place gives me the creeps."

James picked me up bridal style, and moved over to his broom. We flew back to the school quickly and silently. James had to keep one arm around my waist to keep me from falling off because I couldn't grip the broom with my legs.

He flew directly into the castle, and ignored Flitwick's shouts that followed behind us.

We flew down into the hospital wing, where Lily, Remus, and Peter were all talking in hushed voices.

Madame Pomfrey ran out to yell at us for the broom, but her complaints died in her throat when she saw me.

She stamped her foot, before running off to find the potions she needed. This was going to be a long day.

**I hoped you liked it. I hope to update sooner than this one took, but school and writer's block is never a good mix. Thanks for reading. Please review. 3**


	13. Monster

**SORRY! **

**I realize that it's been a month and a day since I last posted ANYTHING for this story. I do not have any excuse that would pacify those of you who have been waiting so patiently for an update. If you want my honest excuse for why I haven't updated, it's this: Laziness. I could not bring myself, for whatever reason, to type a single word for this story. I mean, I guess last week I had a somewhat acceptable excuse, being TAKS. TAKS is the stupidest thing every invented by a state government. It's the Texas Assessment of Knowledge and Skills and it's just a big test. It's really annoying. Other than that, I have no real, solid excuse for not having updated in so long, and for that, I am sorry.**

**Next week I do get off for spring break (And I'm turning 16 then too! : D), so I will make it my goal to update at least three times that week, to make up for lack of chapters for the past month.**

**Please forgive me. Thanks for sticking with me. =S**

I watched from across the room as James helped Sirius down off the broom. Madame Pomfrey scowled when she came back with whatever she had gone to get.

"With how often the two of you are in here, you might as well not even bother leaving." She told Sirius and me, glaring at each of us in turn.

"We just can't stay away from you, Madame P." Sirius said with a charming smile, punctuated by a hiss of pain as she straightened his leg. She shook her head, mopping up his face with a towel she'd gotten from the back.

Guilt riddled my thoughts as I watched. This was all my fault. Moony shouldn't have dropped him. Moony should have fallen with him at least.

"And how did this all happen?" Madame Pomfrey asked. My heart stopped. I hadn't thought of what they could use as an excuse.

"Stupid bludger caught me off guard. It hit my leg when I was looking the other way, and bam, no balance on broom." Sirius explained cheerfully, using his hands to mime what happened. It sounded true. Madame Pomfrey shook her head and mumbled something about dangerous games.

"You'll have to stay overnight. I just have to be sure you heal completely." She said as she poked him in all sorts of places with her wand, muttering charms here and there.

"Will do." He said, taking the pair of hospital pajamas that were offered to him.

"Now, get changed. You should be able to stand, it'll just twinge a little and you might be a little wobbly. Remus can help you." With that, Madame Pomfrey left. James, Lily, and Peter walked out of the room, to give Sirius some privacy.

I stood up, and walked over to the side of his bed. My minor cuts and scratches were nothing compared to what Sirius had had. I helped him stand, and he used me to lean against. His leg wobbled slightly as the new bone mass tried to get used to the weight.

"So, how much do you remember of what happened?" Sirius asked, once he was completely changed.

I frowned, sighed, and ran then ran a hand through my hair. "Running, you falling, and trying to get James to understand. He doesn't speak canine like you do, you know."

"Bet that got Moony frustrated." Sirius said with a grin.

"Oh, you have no idea." I said. He wrapped his arms around my waist, and pulled me closer. I buried my face into the side of his neck.

"We've had too many close called." He whispered into my hair.

I didn't reply immediately. All of these close calls were my fault. Mine entirely, and t hey always would be. "I'm sorry." I told him in a low voice.

He pulled away, staring at me, judging my tone. "Remus… It's not your fault. Moony tried to help. I made him let go. I made him."

"What about everything else I've caused? The Howler? Your brother hexing you? I've been the start of so much of your pain. Both mental and physical. Pads, I don't want to be the cause of all your pain anymore."

"Stop Rem. Just stop. I don't want to hear it anymore. I wouldn't give you up for anything. I couldn't. Losing you would hurt more than this stupid broken leg. I love you, Rem. Remember that. Please. I'm not going to leave you, no matter what." Sirius said, planting a kiss on the top of my head.

I opened my mouth to say something, when Lily suddenly burst in.

"Are you two-... Aww!" She said, looking at us with a bright smile as we stood hugging in the middle of the room. "James sent me in here to check if you two were ready for us to come back in. He said that if he walked in and you were still changing…" She paused.

"James what did you tell me?" She said, looking over her shoulder, out the door, where they couldn't see. "He ranted a lot." Lily informed us.

"Nothing! I said nothing." James cried, running into the room, almost slipping in his haste.

Sirius gave them both a glare, not releasing me.

Peter scampered in a few seconds later. "What?" He said in confusion.

I raised an eyebrow. "Alright?" I said, drawing the attention of James, Lily, and Peter who had all been arguing for a few minutes about what James had and hadn't said.

"Get a room you two." James said good naturedly.

They spent the rest of the day talking and laughing with their friends, and when night fell, Madame Pomfrey had to all but chase them away from the room.

I lay in my bed, thinking of what I had done. Of all the damage I was causing to the one person that had been able to bring themselves to care for me, and when Sirius suddenly crept over from his hospital bed to lay in mine, I felt worse. He fell asleep easily, but as his shirt rode up, and I could feel the bandages around his chest, I was sickened with myself, and stared up at the ceiling, a lump in my throat.

I got up after a restless sleep, and walked to stare out the window. I looked back at Sirius, as he slept peacefully.

I sat on the window ledge. I don't know who I thought I was kidding. He deserved so much better. I wasn't worth the pain he was feeling. What was I but a monster? Even if Sirius's eyes could not see it, I could. The pain I was causing him. It was too much to bear. I turned away from Sirius, disgusted with myself. This was going to have to end. Sure, what happened to Sirius in the forest could have happened to anyone, but it was my fault that Sirius had been in the forest in the first place. I may not have pushed him off the edge, but I had led him blindly to end, and watched him fall off.

I sighed and watched sun come up over the trees, thinking about what I was going to do. What I'd have to do.


	14. In The End

**Here's the next chapter. It's kind of short, but I already have the next one written, so I'll be uploading it soon. : D**

**Disclaimer and warnings same as always.**

I woke up to the smell of the potions in the hospital wing. I stretched with a yawn, noticing the empty space next to me. I sat up, and looked around. I saw Remus sitting on the window ledge.

"Good morning," I said brightly to him. He looked up, nodded, and looked back out the window.

I frowned, but before I could ask him what was wrong, Madame Pomfrey came out to check us over. I decided to talk to him about it later.

After being released from the hospital wing, Remus and I went to our classes, but I could still tell something was wrong. He didn't talk to me as we walked to Defense together.

The day went on, and Remus stayed distant with all of us. I couldn't tell exactly what was wrong, but as the week went on, Remus was quieter than normal, and he often went off alone. He took the map with him, I noticed one day to my annoyance, as I tried to look for it. I tried talking to him a few times, but each time he pushed me away. So that's where I stayed.

At breakfast, almost a week after the full moon, I sat down moodily after Remus had 1) come down early for breakfast and 2) left without a word after the rest of us showed up.

I stabbed angrily at my food.

"Maybe you should try talking to him again," James suggested, looking at the great hall door as it swung shut behind Remus.

"I've tried! I don't know what I did, or if it was even me," I replied desperately.

James made a thoughtful face.

"I wish he would just talk to one of us. We've been his friends for how long, and we've been together-" I froze, fork halfway to my mouth. "Oh bloody hell! I can't believe I forgot! How could I be so bloody stupid?" I said, slamming my fork down on the table. My pumpkin juice wobbled ominously, and a few of the first years sitting near us scooted away down the bench.

"What did you forget?" James asked, bemused.

I forgot! I forgot our one year anniversary! No wonder he's so mad at me. _I'm_ mad at me. I need to do something special for him. Lily, you've got to help me." I pleaded, turning my eyes to her where she sat next to James.

Lily smiled. "Ok, so here's what we're going to do…"

* * *

I smiled in triumph when I found the map, well hidden in Remus' trunk.

"Haha, Got you!" I exclaimed, tapping the map enthusiastically with my want. I easily located the small dot labeled 'Remus' sitting in the library.

With one more glance in the mirror, I hurried down the stairs and out the portrait hole.

I found Remus sitting in a secluded section of the library, pouring over a piece of homework or another. I walked over slowly.

"Sirius," Remus sighed, as I stepped closer.

"Look, I know you're upset, but come with me. Let's go. We need to talk."

He sighed again, but gathered all his stuff together slowly. I helped him put all his things into his bag, and swung it over my shoulder, ignoring his protest that he could carry it himself.

I grabbed his hand and led him away from the library. He lagged behind me, and I'm sure if I hadn't been pulling him with me, he would have turned around. It was quiet between us, just the sounds of the other students behind me other than his soft footfalls.

I led him to the room of requirements. I paced back and forth in front of the blank wall. He watched blankly, arms crossed over his chest.

The door appeared, and I pulled Remus in as I flung it open.

**Remus' Point of View**

"Sirius, what is all this?" I asked, looking in awe at all the decorations.

The room was dimly lit. Candles floated harmlessly over head. There was a small round table in the middle of the room, set for two. Rose petals littered about the room. Music played from seemingly nowhere.

Sirius looked proud of himself. "Well, I figured out why you were mad at me."

"Sirius, I wasn't-" I started, but he waved me off, and kept explaining.

"I really didn't mean to forget. It's just with the full moon, and falling off a cliff, yeah that would do it."

"Sirius, what are-" I began, confused.

"Happy anniversary," He said, pulling me closer to him.

Our anniversary. I'd forgotten all about that. Our one year anniversary. He'd done all this for me, while I'd been sulking and trying to think of a way to break it off. Tears welled in my eyes.

Sirius looked at me. "What's wrong Rem?"

I shook my head frantically. I didn't deserve this. I didn't deserve _him_. After ignoring him for almost a week, he thinks it's something he's done, and sets this up for me. He deserves so much better.

"Remus? Did I do something wrong?" Sirius asked, and I laughed at the irony. It sounded almost deranged.

"Sirius, I can't…" I started, and the tears started again. "God dammit Sirius, I can't do this anymore. " I said, and it came out harsher than I had meant for it to.

"What in the world are you talking about?" Sirius asked, but I think realization was coming to him, because his hands went limp on my arms.

"I can't be with you…. Not now. Not ever." I said through my teeth, trying to get it out fast enough, before I lost my nerve. I dug my nails into my hand to try and keep the tears from spilling over any more than they already were.

The acute pain that flashed across his face caused a violent, physical pain to stab through my already aching heart. "What are you talking about Remus? What did I do? Just tell me, we can fix this. I'll do anything just… don't leave me." He said, desperately, pleadingly.

I dug my nails into my palm deeper. "No we can't fix it. There's nothing you can do. It's just… not working anymore."

"But Rem, I lov-"

"Don't say it!" I said forcefully. He shrank away from me, sinking into a chair. Tears were swimming in his eyes. He rested his elbows on his knees, his face in his hands. He thread his fingers in his hair. I couldn't take this.

"Sirius," I said weakly.

"Just go," He said, voice shaking.

"But," I started quietly.

"Just LEAVE!" He yelled, curling even more into himself.

So I did. I ran, sobbing as I did so. He's never yelled at me before. Not like that.

I hurt him again. But it was over, and I wouldn't be able to hurt him anymore. I'd done what I had to. It was for his own good in the end. In the end.

**So, hope you guys liked it. Thanks for reading. : D**


	15. Confusion at the Lake

**So here's the next chapter, and I have most of the next one written, and I should be able to finish it while I'm babysitting tonight. So yeha, hope you like.**

**James' POV (Random, I know.)**

I made a frustrated noise as Lily's Bishop shatter my only remaining knight. My other chess pieces screamed angrily at me, waving their tiny fist in my direction. My rook even went as far as flicking my hand while it was resting on the table.

I glared in annoyance at my rook, getting ready to sacrifice him for hitting me. I looked over at the portrait hole when I heard it opening. Sirius stumbled in, tripping on his cloak when he climbed down, before making a mad dash for the stairs, running up, and slamming the door to our dorm.

"Wonder what's up with him." Peter said, barely looking up from the parchment he was writing on.

"You should go and see if he's ok." Lily said, gazing with concern up the stairs. "I'll clean up your chess pieces."

The pieces seemed grateful for the intervention, running across the board to Lily's offered sanctuary, dragging their fallen comrades with them.

I stood up, and quickly made my way up the stairs. I walked up warily, and knocked on the door. There was no answer, but I could hear him shifting around inside the room, so I opened the door cautiously.

The curtains around Sirius' bed were closed, but I could hear him sobbing.

"Sirius?" I called, stepping towards the bed. I'd never seen Sirius this upset, and only a few things would get him so worked up. I pulled the curtains open quietly.

I heard muffled talking, but between the tears and the pillow he had his face buried in, I couldn't tell what he was trying to say. I sat on the edge of the bed.

"Sorry mate, I didn't quite catch that." I said, putting a hand on his shoulder.

He rolled over, squeezing he pillow to his chest. "I-I don't kno-w what I did. He just… and then he… and I told him to leave… gone." He said between sobs, and some of his words were lost to me, but I got the general idea.

"So, you two split up?" I asked.

"He broke up with me." Sirius moaned, a fresh wave of sobs breaking into his voice.

I didn't know what to say. Sirius didn't get upset. I'd _never_ seen him cry like this.

I sat quietly with him, and he eventually calmed down a little.

"I don't know what I did. He just… ended it. I don't know what to do, but I don't think I can live without him. It hurts so much James. I feel like I can't breathe." He told me, staring up at the ceiling with puffy red eyes. He wiped his nose on his sleeve.

"Well, you could try talking to him after he's calmed down some. Or, maybe, he just needs some space." I said softly.

Sirius stared blankly at the ceiling. "Well, something has to give eventually. It will either be him, or my heart."

He rolled over, and I took that as a sign that he was done talking for now.

I stood up, patting his shoulder softly. I closed the door quietly behind me as I left.

"What's wrong with him?" Lily asked when I got to the bottom of the stairs.

"'They broke up." I said, sitting down on the couch.

"Sirius broke up with Remus? We should-"

Lily stopped when she saw I was shaking my head.

"Remus broke up with Sirius?" She asked, mouth open in shock.

I nodded.

"But why? We should still go find Remus. Something must be up with him." She said, standing up. "I'll go look for him."

I checked the map that Sirius had left on the table downstairs, looking at the Remus dot as it wandered around.

"Well, it looks like you're going to actually have to track him down. Good luck. Slap some sense into him for me."

**Lily's POV **

"Remus?" I called quietly, walking between book shelves and looking at the tables in the library.

"He's not here honey. I haven't seen him since Sirius pulled him away before dinner." Madame Pince said, looking at me from where she was shelving books.

"Oh, thank you." I said, disappointed that he wasn't here.

I decided to head out towards the grounds. The rain was falling harshly onto the ground. Mud splattered my legs and shoes as I slipped around on the marshy ground.

I pulled my cloak up over my head, trying to keep my hair as dry as possible. I slid all over on my way towards Remus' favorite tree. The grounds were dark, and I could just make out the outline of the lake.

"Remus?" I called, but my voice was lost in the wind.

I stumbled getting mud all over the front of my robes. "Damn it Remus, the stuff I do for you."

My desperate search was starting to seem hopeless when I went under the tree Remus was normally at, but then I could see someone sitting under the tree a little closer to the lake. I could just make out his face.

"Remus! Remus!" I called, slipping in more mud, and falling to my knees. I froze, kneeling in the mud.

I could just make out Severus as he walked around the lake in the dark. He was hurrying around the lake towards where Remus was sitting. Remus stood p quickly, and they hugged.

I turned around quickly, stumbling and sliding up the hill.

I ran up the steps, past an irate Filch, slipping all over the corridors, leaving a trail of mud and water behind me as I went.

I burst into the common room, letting the Fat Lady yell behind me.

I bent over, holding the stitch in my side and trying to catch my breath.

"What in the world happened to you? It looks like you were dragged through the mud behind the carriages." James asked, taking in my appearance.

"I saw Remus with Severus!" I panted out, ignoring his comment about my appearance.

"Snape? What exactly did you see?" James asked.

"They were hugging." I said, and instantly I could tell James though the same thing as me.

"Oh no." He grabbed the blank piece of parchment off the table that I knew was the map. He tapped it. "We can't tell Sirius. It would be the end of him." He said, looking intently at the layout of Hogwarts as it appeared.

We watched the dots labeled Severus and Remus as they walked back up to the cast, standing a little too close together.

**Snape and Remus? What? Next chapter will be up soon. Please review. 3**


	16. Giving Up

**So, I know this chapter is a tad over due, by like a day. Not as bad as some of the others, but it's still not good. Anyway, here it is, hope you like it.**

**Remus' POV**

I wandered aimlessly after I ran out on Sirius. I could barely see where I was going my vision was so blurry from the tears streaming down my face. The dull ache in my chest seemed to intensify with every step that led me away from him.

I ended up out on the grounds by the lake. It was pouring, but the cold rain helped to numb my body. The cold seeped into my bones, and I had a feeling I was going to catch a cold, but that was fine with me. I deserved it. I was nothing more than a monster. A sick, twisted monster that used his fake appearance to seduce nice, innocent, amazing, people into thinking they loved him.

I sat down under the tree, and pulled my knees to my chest. I laid there in the rain, mud and water seeping into my clothes, but I didn't move. The tears ran down my face, and sobs racked my body. I shook violently from both the cold and the sobs. I could barely breathe, but I guess I would live. I hoped I would live.

I couldn't breathe. I just couldn't breathe, and god, the pain was so intense. I'd never felt pain like this. Even on the night of the full moon, nothing hurt like _this_. This was something I knew would _never_ go away. There wasn't anything I could do to make _this_pain. Not even Madame Pomfrey could help me now.

There was a point where I thought I could hear someone calling me, but over the wind, rain, and my own ragged sobbing, I couldn't tell. I was in no mood to look because there was only one person I wanted to see. The one person I couldn't see was the one I needed to see and he was the one person that probably never wanted to see me again. But that would be ok because it was for the best.

I heard something heavy fall into a puddle near me, and I got to my feet quickly, wiping my face on my damp sleeve. Not that it did much good, because not only did it not dry my tears, but it also got mud on my face. I turned around to face the noise, and my foot slipped in mud that was under the tree, I feel forward. Someone caught me, and for a split second I hoped it was Sirius. Even with the rain though, I could smell it wasn't him.

"Remus? What in the world are you doing out here in the rain?" The person spoke, and the last of my small hope was shattered. I quickly got my footing and extracted myself out of their grip.

"Nothing Severus. I was just… leaving." I ground out, trying to keep my voice steady. I turned around, but he caught my elbow.

"Are you crying?" Fail. "What's wrong Remus?"

"Nothing." I sniffed, but my voice cracked betraying me.

"Liar." He accused.

"Just stop, ok?" I snarled, yanking my elbow out of his grasp. My words came out harsher than I had intended. He pulled away from me quickly. He fell back and his head smashed against the ground, squelching in the mud.

"Oh. Sorry! Here, let me-" I helped him up as the rain, if possible, started coming down harder.

"Let go!" He spat, but he swayed on the spot. Sighing, I started up the hill, leading him to the castle.

I helped him towards the Slytherin common room.

"I really am sorry." I told him honestly, water dripping down from my hair and into my eyes. I could feel the mud on my face and in my hair.

"Yeah." He nodded slowly, and shuffled away from me. I watched him go for a second before I turned to go to the prefect's bathroom.

After I cleaned up, I walked towards the common room. I still hadn't gotten control of my emotions, but luckily when I got back to the common room, it was empty. The fires were dying. It was silent except for the last crackles of the fire.

I sighed, and started for the stairs, but then I heard someone moving upstairs in our dorm. I turned around immediately, and decided sleeping downstairs would be better. I conjured a blanket, and settled down on the couch by the fire for the night.

**Sirius' POV**

I stared up at the ceiling in the dark. Though my crying had calmed down, it hadn't stopped completely. I didn't know where Remus was. He hadn't come back from where ever it was he had gone after I'd yelled at him. I was worried about him, but I don't think he'd want to talk to me. I considered waking James up to go look for him, but he might not like that.

I sat up, and pulled the blankets off myself. Standing, I lit my wand up, and walked over to James' bedside table, where the map was resting open.

I tapped it, and scanned it for Remus. I was surprised to see that he was in fact in the common room. He just hadn't come up. I made to go out the door, but stopped. He obviously didn't want to talk to me right now.

I sighed, and instead of going back to my own bed, I walked over to his, and buried my face in his pillow.

* * *

And time went on.

**

* * *

********James' POV**

I watched both Remus and Sirius become more drawn into themselves. We all tried to talk to Remus, but he seemed bent on staying as far away from us as possible. The way he acted towards us drove us away. Lily even came back crying after trying to talk to him, when he told her to butt out and go bug someone else, or that's the nicer version of what he said to her, anyway.

The whole school seemed to know something was up, and that didn't seem to be helping either of them.

I wasn't sure what to do. I wasn't sure if there was anything we _could_ do. Sirius turned to drinking and smoking, while Remus locked himself away from the world in the library, where he worked all day. I only ever saw him in person in lessons, and sometimes the fleeting glance I would catch at dinner or breakfast, even though it was obvious he wasn't eating much. I found myself watching the map, and more times than not, the dot labeled 'Snape' seemed to be alarmingly close to Remus. Maybe we were missing something crucial, and I didn't know what to think, but I was starting to get the feeling he wasn't as lonely as we thought after all.

**Remus' POV**

It was hard, but I was managing. Not well, mind you, but I was managing.

I was starting to get the feeling that the people that say they can't live without someone have some basis for their conclusion.

Seeing Sirius in the hall was like an intensified, psychotic form of Chinese Water Torture. Every time I saw him, and couldn't touch him, or hold him, or kiss him, or even just _talk_ to him, was like another drop of water on my forehead.

The sad thing was, I think that this was worse than that. Chinese Water Torture didn't hold a candle to this. This water didn't just roll off before the next one, this stuck there, and stayed with me, everywhere I went. There was nothing I could do. No wiping it off, no washing it away, nothing. Even if I could, it'd all just build up again.

I cried myself to sleep some of the time, but most of the time, I didn't sleep at all. If this is how it feels to love someone, I have no clue why we fight so hard for it.

**I didn't like this chapter much, but eh, whatever. Please review and tell me what you think. The more reviews I get, the sooner they get back together. ;D**


	17. Author's Note

**Author's note:**

**So, I think the next chapter is very likely to be the last. I can't really think of what else to do after next chapter. It's written and ready to go. It will be up tomorrow definitely. I'm open to suggestions if you can think of something else that can happen.**

**Thanks**

**-Katie**


	18. The End

**So here's the final chapter. I hope you like it.**

**James' POV**

I sighed in frustration and closed the map. Snape seemed to be moving towards Remus again. I'm not sure if I was being paranoid or not, but things weren't looking good.

Lily and I had agreed that it seemed Remus had some secret, but he wouldn't even come near us, let alone talk to us.

I rubbed my face tiredly. I was worried about both of them.

Sirius seemed to have snapped. He acted so happy. Eating and laughing with us, but he wasn't really there. He always looked so far off, and his laughter and smiles never seemed to reach his eyes. They remained dull and stormy. He spent the time he wasn't in class or sitting in the great hall with us in our dorm room. Empty fire whiskey bottles were not uncommon to trip on in the middle of the night. Like before. When the Snape incident happened.

Remus was distant. He didn't talk, not even to the professors. He looked smaller, more fragile than I could ever remember seeing him. He looked worse now than after the Snape incident. I wanted to him. I really did, but I didn't know what to do. He didn't seem to want my help, no matter how much he seemed to need it. I felt so useless. To both of them. I just didn't know what to do anymore.

**Remus' POV**

My hand was shaking as I scratched out the 'siriusly' I had just written on accident for the third time in the past minute. My parchment was starting to look like someone had been trying to color the whole thing black with all the scratched out words. All the same. Always the same words.

I gave up, throwing my quill down in disgust with this assignment, but more severe, was the disgust with myself. I rested my elbows on the table and buried my face in my hands. The tears feel through the gaps in my fingers, and I couldn't stop them.

I wanted to go back to him. I would run, tripping and flailing back to him if I could. I knew I couldn't. He was better off without all the pain being associated with me brought. I moved my arms, using them as a pillow as my head dropped heavily to the table. There was a void in my chest: A great, gaping, black, foul hole in my chest. And it was burrowing it's way closer and closer to my heart. It wasn't there yet, but it was getting so close. It wouldn't be long now.

A great pain shot through me as I saw the barely visible 'Sirius' on my parchment. No, not long at all.

**James' POV**

"So, you really think that Remus and Snape…" Pete trailed off, leaving the sentence in the air.

I nodded reluctantly. "There can't be any other explanation. Why would they always be so close together on the map?"

Lily looked skeptical. "I know what I saw, but maybe it was just coincidence. Remus has always seemed so… Siriussexual." Lily said, waving her hands in a manner that suggested she didn't have a better word.

"Well, maybe we thought wrong. I mean Sirius always seemed straight but he wasn't. So why couldn't Remus do something unexpected?" I said a little helplessly.

"Speak for yourself. Sirius always seemed a little fruity." Lily scoffed.

"Well, sorry my gaydar's not up to par." I deadpanned. A ghost of a smile appeared on Lily's face.

"So…" Pete interrupted nervously, and the smile evaporated. "So you think Remus dumped Sirius for Severus?" Pete asked timidly.

"That would be my guess. It's my only reasonable conclusion…" I replied.

A loud crash was heard from directly behind us along with the shattering of glass.

"What?"

We whipped around to see Sirius, standing behind us in shock. His bottle of whiskey broke on the floor, shattered into a million tiny pieces. From the look on his face, I would guess that the bottle on the floor closely resembled his heart. Lily pulled her wand out, and cleaned up the mess, and I had to wonder if a broken heart could be fixed as easily. I wished it could, for his sake.

"Sirius…" I started, a lie ready on my lips.

"Tell me you're serious." He interrupted, knuckles turning white as he clenched his fist. The look on his face as it morphed from shock, to horror, to a slight understanding, to almost accepting.

"No, I'm not Sirius, you are." I tried weakly.

I could see the tears swimming in his eyes. I didn't want him to cry anymore. I looked desperately at Lily for help, but she looked as helpless as I felt.

"Don't screw with me Potter. Are you telling the truth?" He tried again, saying it in a way straightforward and unavoidable.

"I…" I started, ready to lie to him. I stopped though. He deserved the truth. I cleared my throat as it constricted with the pain of what I was about to do. I tried to gear myself up, but nothing could prepare me to crush my best friend.

"I'm sorry Sirius." I said. It was all I could manage to say. Sirius nodded, shakily.

I steeled myself up for the tears, and the anger, but Sirius was always unexpected. Instead of tears, or screaming, which I could have handled, he sat down in defeat. His shoulder sagged, but a small, sad smile played out on his face.

"I guess that's it then? Nothing I can do but let go now." He said, resting his elbow on his knee and his chin in his hand.

I opened and closed my mouth a couple of times. What had happened to Sirius Black? The Sirius Black I had grown to know? Back a few years ago, he would have hexed someone who broke up with him, let alone left him for another guy. Sure that was back when he was pretending to be straight, but still how had he come this far from what I'd grown to expect? I looked at Lily. I would never be able to just let her go like that. I'd fought hard to get her, and I'd fight hard to keep her. Lily looked just as stumped as I did. So which required more love? Fighting to keep them, or easily letting them go?

"You must really love him." Lily finally whispered.

Sirius smiled, ghost of the past clouding his eyes. "Unconditionally. Uncontrollably. If letting him go is what he wants, how can I not give that to him?"

**Lily's POV**

I stormed into the library with a sense of purpose. I paid no attention to the other people in the library. It was making my way to the back corner, and nothing was going to distract me now.

I found Remus huddled in a chair, head resting on the table. Some of my anger vanished at the sight of him looking so broken and withered.

I walked over and he made a noise as a sign he knew I was there. I put my hand on his back.

"Remus, we have to talk. It's important. It's about Sirius." I said sitting down.

As soon as his name left my mouth, he made a strangled noise and sat up so fast it was a wonder he didn't get whiplash.

"What about him?" He asked, voice quivering. His red-rimmed eyes bore into me.

"I have to know Remus, did you break up with him for Severus?" I asked carefully, slowly, trying to convey a tone that would make him think that I wouldn't judge him either way.

"No! God, no! What ever gave you that idea?" He asked, a look of utter horror etched across his worn features.

"But…" I said, unsure of how to continue. His reaction was so real; even he couldn't have faked such disgust.

"But, I saw you hugging him by the lake?" I said, but it came out as more a question.

"I slipped in the mud! I fell onto him, and that was it." He said, waving his arms wildly.

"But… On the map, you've always seemed so close together." I said, accusingly.

"He got hurt that night, and I helped him back to the castle." Remus answered, like it was obvious I should have known. Maybe I should have.

"So then why has he been following you around?" I asked, finally deflated and at a loss of what was happening.

He looked just as puzzled as I suddenly felt. "What? I haven't seen him since that day at the lake."

"Then I have to know, why _did_ you dump him?" I asked, earnestly curious as to what made him do it.

"I had to. He kept getting hurt because of me! I didn't deserve him. I don't deserve anyone. I'm a monster." He finished in a whisper.

"Remus Lupin, are you telling me this is all some deranged sort of self punishment?!" I asked, anger pulsing back into my veins.

He didn't answer.

"Remus! How could you do that? Can't you see that you've hurt him more?! He thinks it's all his fault. He thinks you left him for Severus. "

"But I di-" He started.

I cut him off. "I know you, didn't Remus." I said, exasperated. He flinched back.

"I know you didn't." I said, softer this time. "But he doesn't. You should go talk to him. Apologize for being so stupid. Do you know he's been drinking again? You remember what happened the last time he drank this much, don't you?"

I could tell he remembered by the look on his face.

"He's also started smoking again. He's going to get lung cancer. Remus he _loves_ you." I said fiercely. I softened my tone again. "He loves you, Remus. Do you know what he did when he came to the conclusion that you left him for someone else? He just said 'I guess I'll let him go.' He didn't shout. He wasn't mad. He was willing to let you go, no matter how much it hurt him, if it made you happy."

Remus bit his lip, tears surging closer to the edge of his eyes.

"He loves you so much Remus, and you love him."

"No! I'm over him." He said. I'm not sure if he was trying to tell me, or himself, but I knew he was bluffing.

"Really?" I asked quietly, pulling his paper towards me, and looking at the crossed out 'Sirius's' and 'Siriusly's' all over his paper. I should it to him. "You can try and lie to me, but you can't lie to yourself."

He looked down at the table.

"Remus, look at me." He brought his eyes up slowly to meet mine.

"You deserve love as much as any of us. Probably more if I was being honest. You're dying inside. I can see it. You still have time to make it better. Go talk to him. Make it right."

He nodded. Slowly at first, but the fiercely and stood up. "Thank you." He said, conveying in the tone of his words that he meant for more than this talk.

I nodded, and smiled slightly. Then he was gone.

I stood up, feeling lighter, and went to walk around the corner. I needed a book anyway. Two birds with one stone.

What I didn't expect was to run headlong into Severus Snape. "What are _you_ doing here?" I asked, affronted.

He looked at me guiltily, and I narrowed my eyes when he muttered 'nothing' too quickly.

I pulled out my wand. "Why are you here? Why have you been following Remus around?"

He swallowed, but didn't back down. "What do you think I've been doing? I knew they'd be watching him closely. What better way to get back at Sirius than make him think I was fooling around with his boy toy?"

My mouth dropped open in shock. "You planned that?" Then more angrily, "How could you?!"

He gave me one of his twisted smiles. "Oh, it wasn't that hard."

I wanted cut the smile right off his face and feed it to the giant squid. I scowled, and turned around, before I did something I'd regret.

"James won't be happy about this." I said airily over my shoulder. I'd never liked watching James torture Severus, but I think I could make an exception for this. I didn't have to look back to hear him swallow hard.

**Remus' POV**

I ran as fast as I could to the common room. I waited anxiously as the fat lady swung, all too slowly, to open and let me in.

I dashed in, and found James and Pete sitting playing chess.

"Where is he?" I panted. James looked up, shocked.

"Remus? What-"

"Later! Where is he?!" I almost shouted, from nervousness, anticipation, need, and pain.

"Dormitory?" James said, bemused.

I didn't wait for any more, just dashed up the stairs.

I looked around. The dorm was messy like I remembered though I hadn't been in here for almost two weeks. I noticed with a sad, painful twang that though I hadn't slept in here for those two weeks, my bed was rumpled, but Sirius' wasn't.

When I didn't immediately seem him in the room, I walked quickly over to the bathroom.

I walked in, not bothering to knock.

**Sirius' POV**

When the door opened, I sighed, and turned from the mirror where I was combing my hair, ready to tell James that yes; I was ok for the fifth time. When I first tried to come up and take a shower, he'd banged on the door, screaming about not giving up. I don't know if maybe he thought I was about to off myself, or what, but he wouldn't let me lock the door. I know he cared for me, but that was a bit much.

The words died in my throat.

Before me was not James. Or Lily. Or even Pete. It was Remus. My… Snape's Remus.

I was hyper aware of my whole body. From the explosions in my chest, to the water rolling down my chest, to the towel precariously wrapped around my waist. The towel being the only thing between me being naked.

I gapped at him. He stood awkwardly there in the door way. Too skinny, extremely exhausted, but _there_, and whole. Looking over his appearance, I could see that maybe this had taken its toll on him too. The difference between him and me though, was that I had had James, and Lily, and Pete for support. He'd had no one. But maybe Snape.

"Sirius." Remus breathed, and the sound of his voice, something I hadn't heard in 11 days, [Exactly 11 days, 18 hours, and 15 minutes to be precise. I knew down to the second, but that just made me sound even more pathetic than I was and felt.] made my heart warm and swell.

His voice shuddered with emotions too muddled together and mixed up to name other than need and love.

"What are you doing here Remus? Why aren't you with Severus?" I asked, voice calm. I think it surprised him that I didn't sound angry, or bitter.

"Sirius. I would never leave you for Severus. I don't know what James and Lily were thinking, but I was _never _interested in him, and I never will be." He told me honestly, eyes misting over slowly.

The words gave me a large of sense of relief. I smiled slightly, but I didn't know what to expect. Just because he didn't want Severus didn't mean he wanted me.

He stepped into the bathroom more, shutting the door behind him. Then he was suddenly there, and _real_ in my arms. He folded into me perfectly, the way I remembered so vividly. He was skinnier than I remembered, pointy even. I don't think he'd eaten since The Breakup.

He was shaking in my arms, violently trembling with what I suddenly realized was sobs. He was saying something over and over into my neck.

"I'm sorry." He sobbed desperately.

I swallowed hard, and pulled him closer to me, holding him tight against my chest, unwilling to let go. "I just wished you'd have told me what I'd done wrong." I said quietly into his hair.

If anything, he sobbed harder. "Oh Sirius, it was never your fault. You were always so perfect. I didn't feel like I deserved someone so perfect. You did so many nice things for me and all I did you was put you in the hospital wing." He hiccuped. His tears ran down my neck.

"You never hurt me." I said, stroking his hair. I missed the feeling of him in my arms. It didn't matter that I hadn't seen him in 11 days. It was like that hadn't happened. I didn't need to hear him apologize.

"No, I didn't directly, but I as good as loaded the gun myself." He said, clinging desperately to my shoulders.

"What gun?" I asked, bemused.

"Never mind, it's just a saying." He said, moving his hand like was going to gesture with it, before deciding he didn't want to let go and clinging tighter.

I held him away from me, and looked into his face. The pain and love mingled in his eyes, and it greatly affected my already aching heart.

It took his face in my hands. "Don't ever leave me again. Never, ever again." I said, tears spilling over.

He nodded quickly. I pressed my lips to his roughly, needy. This is what I had been living without. I slipped my hands up his shirt, as his hand roamed over my back.

I traced the burn mark there. The faint, but not fading, marks on his back. This was our reality. Our world wasn't perfect, our lives were muddled and confusing and _difficult_. It wasn't going to be easier. It would never be easier for us: A werewolf and the disowned son of an all pureblood family.

We might argue. We might disagree. We might not always get along, but that's what made us us. We weren't perfect, but we loved each other. That would never go away, and that was all that we needed.

**Fin.**

**So thanks for sticking with me and reading all of these. Please tell me what you thought.**

**I've got a few ideas for some new stories. I might go back and write about how this all got to where it was. I was also thinking of a weird twist on 'Aladdin'. Just tell me what you think.**

**Thanks so much. Love you all. **


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